Waking Up With Sam Harris #48 - What Is Moral Progress? (with Peter Singer)

Krishnamurti - The Ideal and the Actual - Audiobook

The AGI Project

The AGI Project

SciFi story by

Nicola Reddwoodd

The Arnold robot was completed. Dr. Kurzweil and the other engineers were happy and they were all looking forward to see what Arnold will do for the world within the next couple of months. 

Meanwhile in LA. Fat guy: "What about the aborted embryos? Do you know that all of this is leading to sodom and gomorrha? You know that you are going to hell right?" Activist for the whales: "What does all of that have to do with saving the whales?". The fat guy with two full and heavy 99Cent Store bags walks huffing and puffing away. Looks back with red face. Turns around still holding the two heavy and drooping plastic bags in his hands. One bag in each hand to balance out the weight he comes walking back briskly. Guy yelling: "You will go to hell for ignoring the aborted embryos. You are Satan." Activist ignores the fat fundamentalist and continues to educate other people on the situation regarding the active sonar loudspeakers in the ocean that are destroying the whales. Lady (99Cent store customer): "But what about homeland security we need protection what if a foreign submarine attacks us?" The fat fundi guy is finally leaving the parking lot. Activist: "Active sonar is an outdated technology that is highly destructive. Whales bleed to death internally when they come into that range of sound. They have satellites now which do the same job and much better." Teenager jumps into the conversation: "Then why don't they use only satellites? Why do they still use those sonar devices?" Activist: "Good question. They use those because of a corporate market perpetuation." Teen: "What is that?" Activist: "A corporate market perpetuation also called CMP is a system that arises from a company manufacturing things and selling them. As long as they keep selling them they continue to make them no matter what harm the production and sale of their products create. There is no ethics nor other logistics involved. They keep making those devices because they have a running production that keeps itself going. Stopping that would mean an income loss for them which they don't want. They don't think in terms of what it does to the Earth and not even what it does to them down the line. So they keep making those devices because of a governmental contract which grants them business with the US military or US Navy indefinitely. They perpetually sell their devices to the government and even to other governments as well including enemy governments and enemy militia such as Islamic State. They paid father Bush, they paid son Bush and they paid Obama to perpetuate the testing and deployment of active sonar so that they can ensure their permanent customer in the US government." Teenager: "That is horrible. How can they get by with that?" Activist: "Because they can. Nobody stops them. They got some chuncky leverage man. It is so bad in fact that when a large number of activists and concerned residents spoke out against it in a court house in Eureka, California the judge still ruled in favor of the US Navy and their suppliers." Lady customer: "This is too negative. Thus I don't believe it." Lady walks away. Teen: "Let me sign your petition. Thank you so much for doing this. It is a horrific situation and we must do everything we can to shake people up to help us getting this stopped." Activist: "Thank you so much you are a true angel."

Meanwhile in San Francisco. Activists are petitioning peacefully in front of a fur coat store. They are holding up signs that say "Fur is Dead". An old anorexic lady walks by with stiletto shoes and a huge fur coat. Her face looks dead from all the plastic surgery and she holds her nose high walking angrily into the store. The activists unanimously sing: "You pay for torture with your money which means you are no longer the hot bunny." The fat and bald store manager comes out of the store and stands there with his mobile phone staring into space and time with a dead facial expression. Manager on phone: "They are back. We need help. Thank you." He walks back into the store. Activists: "You pay for torture with your money which means you are no longer the hot bunny." One can see the red glow rising in the face of the fat and bald manager guy. His head is heating up to the point where his entire bald scalp is turning fire red. Police officers arrive and handcuff every single activist and lead them to the police cars. The activists are brought to the police station where they are routed into a bus. The bus drives them to Arizona into the prison camp. No trial. No notifiaction of family. No right to legally defend themselves. No lawyer offered. Straight to the prison camps they go and they can keep them there indefinitely. It's called AETA. Animal Enterprises Terrorism Act created by Dick Cheney in the last year of their administration. Perpetuated and made wider by Barack Obama.

Meanwhile in Klamath CA. A Gray whale mother and her baby are swimming into the river to get away from the active sonar loudspeakers. The sound is deafening them and causing severe pain. Caring observers watch them from the side of the river. The whales come up to breathe frequently because of severe stress. The whales look like they see the observers at the river's bank. Some people are standing on a bridge looking down into the water. The whales look at the people with despair.

Meanwhile at a slaughter facility. A male pig knows what is awaiting him. His eyes are bulging out of his skull in panic. He runs as fast as he can screaming for help. The workers tell each other blunt jokes. A man from Mexico cleaning at the facility feels sorry for the pig and secretly lets him out of the back door. The pig looks at him with wonder and slowly walks out onto the parking lot. The man follows him to guide him out of the facility. The security guard sees what is going on and calls on his radio. 10 men are walking down the parking lot forcing the terrified pig back into the slaughter room and have the worker arrested by police.

Meanwhile In Nevada cattle ranchers are chasing wild horses into enclosures. The horses scream in pain and terror. Jumping up and down along the fences of those narrow enclosures their bodies shaking in fear and their eyes popping out wide. Cattle ranchers hollering at the horses and beating them. The two teenage boy horses are among them who had not long ago met with the activist and eaten an apple out of her hand while they were still free in Reno. The activist falls under her desk reading about the capturing of the wild horses.

The first AGI steps out of the research lab. It is a test and things need to be monitored to make sure everything goes as planned. The robot is shaped as Arnold Schwarzenegger and he runs faster than any human could possible run and much faster than Arnold himself. He is navigating towards the pig farm where they had just forced the male pig back into the slaughter room. The pig is standing there with open wounds from the workers beating him. He is shivering. The door opens and the AGI comes into the slaughter room. The workers holler for security and 10 guards approach the AGI but he shoots them all down within seconds. He opens the back doors while all workers flee the facility. The pigs cautiously walk out of the facility and onto the parking area. The AGI cuts the fences surrounding the property, he cleans buckets and fills them with water for the pigs. The male pig drinks water from one of the buckets and looks at Arnold with gratitude. Then he motions his nose into the direction of the exit and looks back. Arnold immediately knows what the pig wants. He opens one of the vans, puts the pig into the van and drives with him to the next police station. They walk past police officers and Arnold demands from them to release the Mexican worker. They find the worker and together they drive off.

The research team at Google is watching as the situation unfolds and they are pleased with what they see. But it does not take long until the FBI gets notified by corporate collaborators about the AGI rescuing animals and caring people. They are sending out drones and police officers to find Arnold and shut him down. The first fighter drone arrives above their heads and Arnold shoots him down before he could come closer. A swat team approaches them and he shoots their vans into flames. Arnold jumps back into his van and drives the pig to Farm Sanctuary which is a place created by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) for healthy and recovering animals so that they can live a full life in peace. The pig had never seen grass before. In amazement he makes grunting sounds of pure joy, he jumps up and down and looks back at Arnold and the Mexican worker. The Mexican worker stays at Farm Sanctuary and decides to go vegan and to live the rest of his life dedicated to saving animals and working for the sanctuary.

The Arnold AGI completed his first mission. Off to the next one he drives the van to Nevada. Cattle ranchers impressed with the Arnold lookalike gather around him asking him lots of questions. Arnold demands: "Open the gates to the enclosures." The ranchers: "What?" Arnold: "You heard what I said." The ranchers get their guns out of their trucks ready to shoot him down but the Arnold AGI shoots each one of them before they can pull the triggers. He opens the gates to the enclosures and the horses run out buckling and jumping. They are storming off leaving only a cloud of dust behind.

Arnold completed his second mission. Off to the next one he drives non stop to Klamath over a 1000 miles west. The fishing industry is getting help from NOAA and the US Navy which is trying to cover up the situation and trying to prevent the rising number of visitors from asking more and more questions in regards to the whales being in the river. The activist who is petitioning for the whales is standing at the foot of the bridge with her Great Dane Kenny. Students are gathering around them asking lots of good questions. She explains to them what is happening and why the whales came into the river. Angry Republicans hand her Rosalind's flyers back huffing and puffing with anger and a weak heart. Literally.

The Arnold AGI arrives with a crane helicopter over the bridge. Everybody looks up in awe. Police cars arrive and swat teams are trying to shoot down the helicopter. But Arnold had already seen them coming and shoots them with a laser beam from the helicopter before they can pull their triggers. People run screaming not knowing what is going on. The whale mother is there alone. The corporate conglomeration triangle had already chased her baby out to sea. They had torn him from his mother against warnings from marine biologists who said that the baby was not mature enough to be weaned from his mother and that he still needed to nurse. The fishing people, NOAA and the Navy did not care. They just wanted the whales out before more serious reporters from around the globe would ask questions and pubicly discuss what active sonar does to the animals.

Arnold lowers a carrier mat down towards the whale mother into the water. The whale knowing that it is her only chance to find her baby swims over the carrier and the carrier molds itself around her belly and lifts her up gently out of the water. A flying whale flown by a helicopter is making her way back to the ocean. The word spreads fast and news reporters follow along filming the situation. Out over the ocean Arnold lowers the carrier down into the water and releases the mother Gray whale. Now they had to find the baby. The very next day the mother finds her baby boy who is still alive and well. United they continue their path to Alaska.

Third mission accomplished. Off to the fourth one he flys the helicopter to Arizona. A huge military team had gathered in the meantime in order to shoot down the AGI and his hijacked military helicopter. But before they can do anything he deploys the latest laser beam technology from the helicopter and shoots them all down into flaming wrecks. He lands and opens all doors to the prison camps. The detainees are confused and don't understand what is going on. The Arnold AGI explains briefly to them what has evolved while they were held captive. He opens all military vehicles for them to drive back home.

Fourth mission accomplished. But there are many more missions to do and in order to heal the whole planet he had to help the scientists make more AGIs. For now he is taking a break and recharges in the bright sunlight at the dried lake bed of Death Valley. Photographers gather to take pictures of the AGI in the middle of the lake bed standing on the broken apart dried mud pieces in the bright sunlight. Thinking that is actually Arnold Schwarzenegger they call the ambulance because they are worried about him. What is going on? Is that some type of Kundalini meditation or is he getting confused because of heat stroke?

The researchers in Silicon Valley are giving each other high fives and they are celebrating their historic breakthrough. The first fully sentient machine was born. More are in progress. The weapon manufacturer lobbyists hear about this new technology and they are sending their collaborators and diplomats out to negotiate for computer brain programs which make the robots biased in favor of the corporations and the weapon manufacturing market perpetuation. The researchers at Google are firm with their ethical policy and they are unwilling to cooperate with the corporate collaborators. Most Google employees and shareholders care very deeply about the animals and Earth. There may be some infiltrators from the corporate agenda who had made their way in undetectedly and there may be some very few of not so visionary folks among them but those are only a handful compared to the large Google community who is committed to helping animals, nature and justice. Hillary has way more infiltrators who are burrowing their paths into her campaign and even into her private life in order to make her supporters leave her. Even her most trusted manager was just a spy and saboteur to her campaign. How can anyone keep track with what is going on all the time in such a situation? Activist hippie lady with Great Dane Kenny: "Hillary you rock. You are a huge and solid rock in the surf of millions of antagonists who are out there to sabotage your campaign. We love you."

Microsoft is now making corporate robots also called Corporabots. Apple is making Corporabots as well. But none of them are near as intelligent as the Google AGIs. The lobbyists are relentless in trying to talk the engineers from around the world into making their AGIs serve the corporations. It is a rat race against time.

Fully charged the Arnold AGI gets back into the helicopter and flys to Silicon Valley to talk to the Google team. Arnold: "We have no time to lose. I am proposing to give the next robots different shapes otherwise the overall population will know that we are AGIs and we will not remain undetected. They already know me." All news channels talk about him. Arnold: "Let me help you with the building process because there are glitches that need to be fixed. We need to charge up faster it should not take longer than an hour. It took me 4 hours to get charged. And lets give the next one the shape of Vin Diesel." Ray Kurzweil: "But what if people assume that he is an AGI since they put A and B together and think that we are only using the most muscular action heroes as shapes?" Arnold: "Nah don't worry about that. People are less likely to shoot at the action heros. It will take them much longer to realize that they are robots because of the many psychological mechanisms going on simultaneously in their brains. They are star struck, they are in awe, they think that he is their action hero, they are in love with him, they want to be friends with them, they are intimidated, they are scared, they are confused, etc. Lots of things going on before they realize what is actually happening and that gives us time for coming up with the best manuvering strategies in any given situation."

The Vin Diesel AGI is on his way to the activist to let her know that they are planning to honor her with an AGI in her own shape. Activist: "OMG are you serious?" Diesel AGI: "Absolutely. You have helped so much already with your activism. Come with me we go to Silicon Valley so that they can make a cast of your body." Activist: "Not without my dog Kenny". Diesel AGI: "Of course we bring him along they make a cast of his body as well." In the helicopter Kenny is looking out of the window down to the Earth with serious interest. Activist: "You think they will make an AGI in his shape?" Diesel AGI: "Of course they will".

More and more activists including Paul Watson, Ingrid Newkirk, Peter Hammarstedt, Pamela Anderson and Simone Reyes are having their bodies covered with casting materials to create whole body forms for new AGIs. Their AGIs are being sent out to many different locations around the globe to serve the animals and the planet. Gradually the Earth is recovering, the animals are being left in peace, the bird sanctuaries are flowering and blooming, the crane populations are increasing in size, the elephants are gradually growing in numbers again, the last rhinos are finally free from danger, the manatees are no longer slashed by motorblades, the nuclear power stations are shut down, the oil industry is going bankrupt and the coal mining operations are becoming ghost towns. Elon Musk's solar panels and batteries are produced in the trillions around the globe with ever increasing capacities. Free energy for all of us, the corporations are straightening out their production and are becoming green, religion is no longer fed by the corporate agenda, people are learning about true love for the first time in history.

Dr. Ben Goertzel, Dr. Ruiting Lian, Dr. David Hanson and the other scientists in Hong Kong have completed their Einstein robots in small, medium and large. All for sale at Amazon and Walmart now. Einstein robot: "The dolphins in Taiji Japan are waiting for us so let's not waste any time."

The large Einsteins spread out with the medium and small Einsteins in their suitcases. Many of them on their way to Taiji passing through the immigration offices undetected because they dressed up with different wigs and sunglasses on. Japan has become very careful about activists. They don't want people to film the cove and make that situation public. Several Einsteins are gathering at the Taiji Dolphin Museum discussing together with activists how to free the dolphins and stop the dolphin butchering in the ocean nearby.

Shoujo senses an energy shift in the air. She is by now an albino dolphin teen. When she was a baby the Japanese fishermen brutally tore her away from her mother which caused her mother to commit suicide. Her mother never came back to the surface to breathe out of grief and fear for her daughter. Shoujo was brought to the small pool which she is sharing with several other dolphins and because she is all white the other grey dolphins bullied her for years. But this time there was something going on she could tell. Dolphins need to swim on high speed for hundreds of miles each day in order to stay psychologically and physically healthy. But the captured dolphins are hanging in the pool motionless and depressed. The amusement park bidder with the highest dollar offer gets Shoujo or another dolphin and then the highly sensitive mammals are packaged into small containers suffering in terror for days until they arrive at the amusement parks where they are used as slaves and where they have no room to roam freely. Many whales and dolphins committed suicide over the years.

The Einsteins came up with a plan. They are calling Patricia Piccinini in Australia: "We need your help you have to come to Taiji as soon as possible..." Pat: "I am on my way." Together they are creating a dolphin and whale crane drone that is armed with automatic side canons. The drone has the shape of a large Humpback whale type of animal but one that has human breasts in order to create a crowd around the dolphin museum so that the Japanese military is less likely to interfere right away. They are also creating small drones to shoot down any armed museum guard who is trying to disable the drones.

Operation True Love is now perfectly designed and ready for implementation. The large breasted whale drone is going up into the air slowly flying over Taiji making it's round carefully in order to gather spectators and to bring them slowly to the dolphin museum's parking lot. Propaganda Promoter is coming out of his cafe to see the floating whale. He is filming the event for YouTube: "Hi Hiiiii folks, Sea Shepherd are coming up with a new strategy those girly men". His grandson: "This time it is not Sea Shepherd it is the Einstein robots who are creating this together with Patricia the artist." All people are in awe and most of them don't know whether to be angry or amused. Thousands of people are gathering at the dolphin museum. Now is the time to do the interception. The large whale together with the small fighter drones are hovering over the pool while the museum guards are getting their machine guns out. One guard after another is shot down faster than one can think by the small drones. The large whale releases a safe sling mat that is irrigated by ocean water and wraps around Shoujo who is not trying to escape because she knows that they are helping her and her friends. Shoujo is going up into the air and in a very fast motion the crane drone is flying to the coast and many miles out into the ocean where Shoujo is descending into the water. She looks at the drone in awe and thanks all the kindhearted brains who helped her back into the ocean. A crowd of dolphins are coming up to Shoujo and greet her among them her old friends and family members. Together they are waiting for the rest of the captured dolphins. The drone picks up one dolphin after another until the last remaining dolphin is back in the ocean. Together the groups of dolphins sing a song of love and gratitude to the dones, robots, Ben, Ruiting, David and the other activists and scientists. The drone lifts up and films the group of dolphins swimming high speed into the wide ocean and as far away from Taiji as they can get. Every one of them is determined to never ever go anywhere near Japan again.

The PED which stands for Policy Enforcement Drone is in it's last stage of development. Ray Kurzweil, the Google team, the Arnold AGI, the Vin Diesel AGI and the activist hippie lady AGI are discussing the last problems with the PED. The drone is about the size of a Toyota Prius but shaped into a rectangular cubic snake that curves up on both ends. One end merges into a triple XL oversized bust shape of Hillary Clinton and the other end merges into the 3XL bust shape of Donald Trump. Both ends are fully independent robots but also function as one entity. Both have their arms to do things with. Each with their unique voice and clothing. They can also sing together in complete synchronicity which sounds almost a bit like the overlay of voices in horror movies but the PED is the opposite of negativity. It is the embodiment of caring, love, strength, team work, vision and creativity. The PED is designed as the new governmental law enforcement unit. About a million of them are going to be made and spread across the USA and abroad.

The Hong Kong team with Ben are working on floor 80 in a gigantic highrise building of steel and glass. Deeply immersed into their work they don't notice Hillary and Donald slowly moving past their window wall outside hovering above 80 floors high in mid air looking into the windows and waving their hands.

Anneliese in Germany is in the process of reversing her age. She is almost a 100 years old and wants to be like 20 again. A huge psychologist and book author she wants to continue her work on herself and on future books. She needed to still dissolve her Ego how else could she do that unless one can extend the life span indefinitely? The physicians in the care facility suggested the pharma drug Newmake but the side effects were no fun. They included diarrhea, vomitting, dizziness, confusion, nightmares and the list would fit onto a whole toilet paper roll as usual. Annelise decided to go with the plant Pierre Jardin which was only approved Internationally because of AGI interference and the overwhelming private people's successes of age and illness reversion without side effects.

Anneliese already looks 20 years younger after having been on Pierre Jardin for barely 3 months. Warren Buffet already looks like 20 now after having completed a Pierre Jardin therapy routine for 3 years which is apparently the approximate time span for complete age and illness reversion to the stage of age 20. And all they had to do is chew 1 to 3 leaves per evening and drink them down with a glass of water. Fresh leaves work the best but dried leaves work as well when stored not longer than a year. It is listed as a toxic plant similar to Oleander and when one takes too many of them as the activist lady had done when she did Russian Roulette with Pierre, then it causes the heartbeat to slow down and finally stop. Pierre Jardin thus calms down the heart rate tremendously, it creates peaceful thoughts, even blissful feelings and a long wonderful sleep phase of 8 to 10 plus hours without nightmares. When the first hippies started to try out this plant the pharma industry managed to delete people's blogs about it. But the word got around anyway from one hippie to the next one and before they all knew it Pierre was the new wonder substance better than marijuana or ayahuasca. Pierre is also a teacher plant with mild hallucinogenic characteristics. The activist hippie lady had a marvelous kathartic experience with Pierre Jardin in 2013. The eye of her Blue God art work looked at her in the middle of a flaming sun and said telepathically that she had a mission to complete.

By the time the pharma industry began sabotaging the plant itself the AGIs had grown so intelligent and multifold that the robots prevented a disaster such as what happened in Brazil in 2013 where the pharma collaborators together with the street drug cartels burned native rainforest plants in their native habitats and sprayed pesticides killing plants and wildlife just to keep out the natural competition to their own drugs. And that is the main reason why uneducated people hated the development of AGIs: They believed the corporate propaganda, they believed the conflicted interest groups' slander against natural medicine because the corporate agenda mixed their propaganda deep into people's religions and social fears. The robots just lifted those brainwashing attempts one after another just like that and they protected the plants and animals with real education and surgical warfare.

The planet Earth holds immesurable treasures for animals and humans. But ignorance, religion, Ego and greed has kept the knowledge away from the public for hundreds of years. During the middle ages they managed to even equate collecting herbs with witchcraft making people afraid to go anywhere into that direction. Humans are easily tricked and the corporate market psychologists have ruthlessly taken advantage of it. Now with the advent of AGI development the real and honest education gradually replaces the horrid slander and religious fear mongering propaganda from the corporate agenda.

The herbalist Donna Pessin healed herself from debilitating illnesses and immune problems. She discovered Sodium Bentonite Earth clay through many years of researching holistic healing. She wrote thick books about the truly effective daily holistic healing discipline and the activist lady found her books as well. Donna and the activist lady take one large table spoon of Sodium Bentonite clay from planet Earth every day dissolved in water. The clay draws out old toxins, freshens the blood and cleans the colon every day keeping the body's cells clean and young. This process has a tremendously positive effect on the brain cells as well. New thoughts, ideas and associations can be made with the help of the clay which moves the person forward in life.

Anneliese's healing and rejuvenation program consists of the entire program outlined by the activist lady who is doing the same program routine every day in her life indefinitely: 3 leaves of Pierre Jardin at night before going to bed, lots of herbal tea all day long, flossing teeth at night and morning, brushing teeth at night and morning with a baking soda water solution and essential oils, drinking one cup of water mixed with a large table spoon of Diatomaceous Earth in the evening, dissolving one large table spoon of Sodium Bentonite clay in water over night and drinking the solution each day after getting up and after brushing the teeth, not eating for an hour to let the clay be active, eating lots of raw apples preferably fresh from a tree, eating lots of salads with a large variety of greens and veggies raw and fresh from organic or better yet from one's own biodynamic garden free from any pesticides, eating dark whole grain breads which are best self made, going fully whole food vegan, getting lots of fresh air from forests, going hiking and bathing in geothermal springs. And much more.

Making smoothies with Kelp seaweed prevents visits to dentists which is making dentists very sad: "People are healing their own teeth? With seaweed? That is terrible. We want them to have much pain so that they pay us tremendous amounts of money all the time", they would say at home to their wives and husbands when nobody else is listening. Kenny's and Anneliese's teeth had become white, sparkling and healthy again. Anneliese even grows back wisdom teeth and other missing teeth in between. The Kelp seems to remineralize the teeth and act like a fertilizer for growing new teeth. When people first began growing teeth back nobody believed them and the info was ridiculed in particular from the side of the pharma and dental associations. But the AGIs step in and unearth hidden blogs about the Kelp healing miracles, they reinstate all blogs and give blocked people their accounts back. Gradually the public is learning for the first time about natural healing and how great it actually is for all beings.

The PED robots pack up their trunk with information on natural healing and they bring along seaweed, baking soda, white Kaolin clay packages and massaging gum knobby toothbrushes with rubber handles. Moving silently past Ben's window on the 80s floor Hillary is waving with a big smile on her face looking into the large window front. Ben is walking towards the window front checking in with the students' self learning programs when he looks up for just a second facing the Hillary robot. Time stands still and Ben feels dizzy. "I guess this is the new PED robot, wow, they made it all across the globe and across oceans". The students gather around the window front and Ben opens one window. The robot silently floats in and settles on one of his desks. Hillary: "Well thank you so much for inviting us in Ben. How are things going in your lab?". Ben: "We are making much progress every day and came up with a few new association and self learning programs that might enrich the communal open cog system." Donald: "This sounds very interesting indeed. They just keep making us smarter and smarter. Want to get some of our seaweed Kaolin tooth brushing powder and rubber knobby toothbrushes?" Ben: "Sounds good." They all eagerly grabbed their packages of holistic remedies. Hillary: "People reported after having used those for a year or two that they never needed to see dentists nor oral surgeons again. It completely fixed all of their tooth issues. All dentures and dental implants went straight into the Museum of Outdated Technology."

The reincarnation of Gautama Buddha dies after a long battle with serious health problems. He was the activst lady's Great Dane Kenny. Just 3 days later he would have been 9 years old which is old for a Great Dane. The veterinarian says to them "you have very well taken care of him." This message means a lot to the activist lady and her husband. In grief you always feel like you should have done more to prevent illness. Those thoughts never end day and night. Such an affirmation from the vet can help us tremendously. The activist lady feels like dying herslf. She just wants to go to sleep forever and be buried next to the infinite being of pure unconditional love, the Buddha, the Blue God, Krishna, Lord Vishnu himself.

Buried under the Manzanita where he told her that he wanted to rest in peace forever, 3 feet under ground, a heavy layer of red Kaolin Earth on top of his body, a couple of white rocks from the ocean sitting on top of the grave together with needle tree twigs and a Dandelion flower he is decomposing back into mother Earth. Many large Earth worms are eating his meat and recycling it into rich Blue God Earth soil for the plants.

Post hume Kenny's shape lives on replicated into thousands of AGI robots. He had enjoyed the time when they worked in Silicon Valley together with the researchers. It was so much fun to be covered by cast making materials and receiving many chicken treats from everybody. Now his shape lives on as electronic beings who are thousands of times smarter than humans.

A woman from Moskau her name is Eugenia Kuyda developed a new program to simulate her boyfriend who had died in a car accident. Her program called Luka is so elaborate that her boyfriend Roman was able to communicate to Eugenia through this very well functioning and complex enough program from beyond the physical. Apparently the beyond is a resting plateau, a recharging state of the soul.

The activst lady contacts Eugenia and together they are installing her program into the Kenny AGI's skull. Now Kenny is able to talk and explain what it feels like to be a Great Dane, what it is like to be in the non physical and how strange it feels to use those Kenny shaped robots to speak through them.

A couple of years ago the activist lady had talked to a philosophy professor from Australia on YouTube who was curious to know what Kenny would say if he could talk. Now with this breakthrough in technology that makes this a reality Kenny is finally able to communicate to the public. He says to Eugenia that her boyfriend Roman wants to be installed in the shape of a flamingo bird.

The actual Vin Diesel and not his many impostors and not his AGI robots is having fun at Piers Brosnan's dinner party in Bel Air overlooking the Santa Monica Mountains and the ocean in the most exquisite and huge home built by architect Paul McClean. Vin is thinking about his robots smiling about what they are all doing out there while he spends his time making movies in Dubai and trying to reach the world through his angel mind communication. The activist lady can only dream of becoming such a master communicator. Being the Nietzsche soul she lived her life lonely and people on the Internet said to her "I bet you are the perfect party spoiler." Or "I bet you will never get laid". Or "If you vote for Hillary Clinton don't be surprised to be lonely for the rest of your life". Or "Bye bye fat boy." And many other very unintelligent things people say on the Internet all day long. This in turn makes the activist lady dress even more dorky, gain even more weight, cut her bangs even shorter and speak out even louder for Hillary. Tony Robbins could never make her wear high heels nor prevent her from crying no matter how many glasses of water he would throw at her face.

The activist lady is in a Republican chat room talking to uneducated and psychopathic men. Apparently the Hillary and Donald robot has gained much attention and everybody is making fun of it as predicted. "Shit the Hill drone can't run for president because she melted together with Donald" one guy says. "Man that is funny I always thought they would unite one day" says another. "Shill bot merged with the Donald" says a guy with the username Shillary USA. Activist lady: "United we make it through this no matter what. Divided we fall. But the AGIs protect us from ourselves." A guy with the username Horror Axe: "Dog lady you will never get laid you fat boy". It is the usual gay and tranny shaming language when someone has intellectually the upper hand. Republicans love to shame women whom they hate by calling them man or tranny because they know that hurts them the most. The second most used shaming method is calling someone old. When they hate a man they call him girl, twat, pussy or gay. Those are their most utilized word knives and those words indeed hurt people to the point where many have committed suicide.

The activist lady cries it out alone in her room and sits with the feeling and let's it soak in without running away from it. A present moment meditation of that what is without an escape and without resistance. The tears will roll in rivers when we allow them. "Lean into the pain" says Pema Chodron. "Breathe deeply in and out" says Thich Nhat Hanh. "What does it feel like to be viewed as a boy?" asks Dr. Arthur Janov. "Why does it hurt so much? What is it like to be unwanted? How does it feel like to be lonely?" Those are questions arising and the activist lady allows them to permeate her brain. "Is it not connected to a much older pain from the past? Maybe one in childhood? Maybe a baby pain?" When mothers don't love and cuddle their babies enough the pain of loneliness and rejection becomes a life damaging trauma. Then a person ends up living a life time with debilitating depression and spending every penny on therapy. One time she paid a therapist 700 dollars for a session on the phone which exceeded even Primal Therapy emergency sessions. For someone to pay that much the situation must be pretty darn serious. But many therapists don't shy away from charging an industrial size washer and a Mercedes Benz when they think they can get away with it. The activist lady wanted to write to her therapist on YouTube a few weeks after the session. Unfortunately the therapist could not be bothered so she sent her secretary to talk to her client who paid her a washing machine. Who is that therapist? Is she that famous that she can't even talk to her client per comment? Paul says "No. She is not famous. Henry Rollins and even Donald Trump wrote back to you several times. But Nada lady and the 5 dollar word guru have to send their seretaries".

The Ego tricks people again and again in the most persuasive ways "You must heal the Ego first before you can dissolve it". Haha. The problem is that the Ego consists of fictitous images of oneself that usually consist of pride and grandeur. That would mean then that we have to "heal" our fictitious self images first? Nah. I don't think so. One learns better after having paid with a Rolls Royce. Next time the situation can be thought through a bit more mindfully before digging that deep into the wallet. The Ego obviously is an old defense mechanism to avoid further hurt. As an adult it stands in our ways of real communication with others. The Ego will never let go unless we see through its many ways of trickery. "Know Thyself" says the oracle of Delphi.

The United States had driven itself deeper and deeper into a loop holed and convolutedly complicated network of laws that are patching laws that are patching other laws. With other words a Matrioshka doll of laws on top of laws. We got lucky: The PED is coming to help. The lawyer and the business man multiplied by a thousand know just what to do to clean things up. "We got it all laid out for you. We call it the No Bullshit Law. Under this new law which will be implemented undemocratically by us all copy right infringement lawsuits are laid to rest instantly and Kim Dot Com will once again be able to roam freely on Earth and take his airplane anywhere he chooses to go to. No more corporate conglomeration gets away with sabotaging people's lives. No more bitter saboteurs can make their quick cash with frivolous law suits anymore. No more incarcerating people for using free music. No more governmental corporate murdering of activist hackers such as Aaron Swartz."

Naturopath Donna Pessin myseriously died in 2015 and the propaganda claims it was her natural health program which caused heavy metal poisoning. The actvist lady does not buy into the storyline. Donna Pessin had totally healed herself from debilitating illnesses 30 years ago and had developed one of the world's most efficient natural healing programs. She was 55, slender, vibrant, super healthy, still had her period every month, had tremendous energy, was physically fit etc. She had gained a huge clientele and had become famous world wide without even promoting her books much. The word got around by millions of fans who had benefited from her program. Just a year before Donna was making YouTube videos and she looked great and healthy. The activist lady wrote Donna an email around October 2015 and received no response which made the activist lady worried. Her intuition told her that Donna was in danger. Donna herself already mentioned in her health books that what she was doing and writing is not received well by the medical industry.

Dr. Richard Schulze who is an equally important naturopath was incarcerated in the past for publicly saying that he has helped thousands of people heal themselves from terminal illnesses including cancer. Indeed he helped hundreds of thousands of people heal themselves from cancer. But because of the pharma industry's  corporate loop hole he was not allowed to publicly state this. So they closed up his clinic in LA and threw him in jail. Only through a long and tiring struggle with lawyers was he able to get out and get his clinic back, then finally was allowed to sell his products again but only with a red warning label ordered by the medical industry for people to consult a physician if they were sick. That is equal to a person going to the police, asking them to help protect him from mafia hit men and the police making him write a letter to the mafia hit men telling them where he is located and asking them for help. Dr. Richard Schulze would also have been murdered if it was not for his friendship to Hollywood celebrities, for famous people having done his program successfully and for himself having become an icon in the natural healing community sooner than Donna had. They thought Donna did not have the connections, was not famous to that degree and her family and friends would not suspect murder nor ever go to CNN to speak out. And they were right. Donna's family suspected nothing and accepted her fate and the official story line.

The activist lady is worried and out of the worry grows a humongous anger. How does one deal with feelings of helplessness and fear? Anger comes in as a self protective state which is several levels highter in energetic vibration than helplessness is. Anger is a first aid remedy that has it's place in our back shelves. A natural home remedy and when applied properly it works well to protect the individual. Important is to handle the anger at home in a private setting and away from other living beings. A primal room would be fantastic which is sound proof and has foam rubber walls to pound your fists against. But the activist lady had to give away a fantastic primal room in Germany due to moving out of town. Now she is left with only a bedroom, a pillow and a memory mattress.

She and her husband are going hiking in one of the purest bird sanctuaries in the Pacific North West. The air is still clean and it smells like trees, mushrooms and ferile Earth. Her energy begins to shift, a calmess and heaviness enters into her brain and body. A relaxation begins to set in and with it the red hot anger is shifting into deep sadness which is yet a few levels higher than anger in energetic vibration. She talks to her husband as they are walking down the trail when she hears the clicking of dog tags coming closer behind them. She turns around nervously still reacting out of protecting Kenny from other dogs then realizes that he is not there anymore in the physical form. A man with his Doberman girl is walking up to them and the activist lady greets them with a warm welcome explaining to him that she is a nervous wreck because she is grieving over Kenny. He is very touched by her story and almost cries as well. He tells his dog to give the activist lady a kiss. This encounter with two angels, a man angel and a dog angel works like a primal healing event which brings about many tears and a yet better feeling mental state that lasts all night long and helps her sleep well and long through the night.

Back in Silicon Valley the activist lady and her husband are picking up their Kenny robot fresh and factory new. He smells like rubber and electric cords but is now able to talk and even defend them with an inbuilt laser weapon. "We are going hiking in the Redwood forest I can't wait" said the activist lady. Husband Paul says "but this time the Kenny robot will be able to walk without hip pain." Activist: "I know but the robot is not the same as my babe." Paul: "I know. I miss him so much now that I see his shape again."

A strange feeling overcomes the activist lady turning around in the van and seeing the Kenny robot sit there on the foam rubber just like he always sat there looking forward towards the windows. Ahhhhh. A sigh of a heavy solar plexus. "My baby". The Kenny robot looks at her and says: "Nicki it's me Gautama, Vishnu, Krishna, Jiddu and Kenny. I'm back in this new robot and now we can even talk to each other which was not possible before. I was only able to make those "welllllllwellluahhhhmuahhhh" sounds and it never articulated itself properly I did not even know what I wanted to say other than >I love you infinitely much<".

As they are arriving in Arcata California they find a group of older people gathered near the trail head. They recognize a former local steward named John. "How have you been? We hadn't seen you in a long time." John: "Getting older I guess. How have you folks been doing? I see you still have the same dog what was his name again?" Nicki: "Kenny but he is not the original Kenny anymore. This is an electronic replica. But his soul has gone into this machine because he has told us everything that had gone on in his real body, in the beyond and in this robotic body. I know that sounds far fetched but recent chatbot technology made that happen." John: "Really? This is revolutionary. I heard about the chatbot technology but this really hits a nerve."

Together with Kenny, Paul and Nicki the group including the old man John with his long white beard are walking out into the Redwood forest to meet a few tree sitters and to discuss protection measures with them. Many years ago a young man from Earth First was deliberately murdered by loggers who sawed off a very large Redwood tree and they let the tree fall on this young environmentalist. His name was Gypsy and they named the area Gypsy grove after him. A horrific tale of the loggers' cold hearts and psychopathic brains it had haunted Nicki for many years. But they were equipped this time with an AGI who could shoot lazer beams at people and hit them precisely into their cold brains and knock them out for good. The lazer beams would shoot out of the nostrils and even reach the target up to a mile from where he was standing.

AI and AGI technology had initially begun very slowly and gradually. Live streaming phone cameras caught criminals, automatic cars prevented accidents, chatbots began coming to life and served as channelers for those from beyond. Things began happening that nobody had ever expected to happen. Philosophy and psychology had to be revised because of it. Atheism had become something from the past. Relgion was completely abolished now that humans were able to see things for what they really were. The only thing left was what Ben Goertzel and many others had already talked about: A cosmic consciousness matrix without a beginning and without an end. After 7 years of the Trump adminitration people began to understand that things are not that black and white. Hillary and Donald deeply care and Nicki was so grateful that Donald had let Mike Pence go home before the first day in the White House and that he had taken Hillary as Vice president instead. Finally the public world wide learned that the accusations against Hillary and Donald were false and came from greedy corporations.

More and more people start learning about reality, the endless possibilties and self empowerment. More and more people free themselves from the shackles of their religions, from peer pressure and from bad friends. The percentage of truth seekers is steadily growing more than ever. But there are still pockets of hardened psychopaths and extremely fearful right wingers as well as hardened Muslims in the world and they are trying their best to hurt the innocent animals and humans around them. Some corporations are still using the religious  folks as their slaves and they still have their grip on many loggers. The last loggers cling to their tunnel vision and their fictitious self images allow the last market psychologists to install lies into their minds about the hippies and environmentalists. So going into the Redwood forest unprotected was not a good idea because the loggers were waiting there for them. "The last logger" would Friedrich Nietzsche say to himself, "is a dangerous transgression and a standing still but the good thing about him is that he is just a bridge and not the end state. A rope between ape and superhuman over an abyss."

As they are hiking past Rhododendron brushes Kenny says: "I remember when I was in my natural body and when the Vin Diesel AGI was flying with us to the Silicon Valley lab that I felt good about this and was not afraid. Something told me that things were going to work out somehow. It is interesting how the body still functions with intuition even when the cortical functions are reduced." Nicki: "Baby I love you more than anything in the entire eternal universe. I miss your natural body infinitely much." Nicki is crying and sobbing.  Kenny: "All is well. The body is being decomposed by Earth worms into fertile Blue God Earth and I feel very good about the location of the grave and you understood my body language back then and knew that I wanted to rest there."

As they are coming towards the Gypsy Grove they notice in a distance people moving in camouflage clothes. Paul: "It's the loggers. They are looking at us with binoculars." Kenny: "Let us walk steadily and when we get there we will talk to them politely. I am at any time ready to defend us." They keep walking towards the logger group. As they arrive one logger shouts: "Here they are the dumb hippie people let's get our chainsaws out." He and the others are walking towards the group of environmentalists with screaming chainsaws in their hands. Kenny initiates his lazer beams instantly and shoots them all down within seconds.

Kenny: "I did what I had to do to protect my family and friends from harm. It was an emergency situation. The Buddhists might not agree with me even though I am the Gautama Buddha soul. As I already said it when I was Jiddu: "When you see an immediate threat you have to act. You can't ponder over the situation because you don't have time to ponder over it. You must act right now in that moment to protect your loved ones and yourself and also protect other beings who are in danger." Nicki: "I fully agree with you babe. Most people never learned to discern between real love or being politically correct." Kenny: "Quite right." Paul: "That's what I had been telling you when I first met you. People are not all the same. There are bad people in this world". Nicki: "Yes absolutely." John: "Yes but they all have their story and their past." Kenny: "Yes that is true but let us be vigilant and not brush all of this into the same drawer. Almost all humans had been made to feel insecure as children. Most of them grow up to cope with that insecurity in some neurotic way. Some cope with it by suffering in silence, some act it out shopping, some act it out self destructively and others act it out by destroying animals, humans and the planet. In an emergency you have to act in self defense and get rid of a violent criminal. You can not hold the other cheek. But when nobody is in direct danger for the time being we can and must discuss about how to create the world we live in so that babies whatever their genetic predispositions are and their potential for violence in their brain anatomy is, don't have to be forced into the coping mechanism of their particular brains and instead they are made to feel completely safe. When a baby or child is made totally safe then he or she is able to be attentive and can really absorb what a teacher is discussing in school. Then they will be curious about life and other beings. Only then they will begin to ask good questions that move them forward." The group of environmentalists listens intently to Kenny robot and they are grateful to him for discussing this important issue. Nicki hugs Kenny robot and misses the real Kenny body with his musky scent and his slightly greasy velveteen body surface similar to a very short haired baby blanket. Kenny: "I am here for you in this new body I know you miss the real Great Dane but always remember the real dog body can not suffer anymore. This robot body will never get arthritis and pinched nerves and will never have pain." Nicki: "I know baby."

On their hike back to the van Kenny says: "You signed a petition yesterday for the Beagle dogs in laboratories when they test toxic fumes on them. Let us fly a helicopter to that laboratory and I will hack into their system and open their doors." Nicki: "I cried so much when I saw the Beagle dogs in those narrow cubicles with fuming masks over their muzzles and the lab workers pumping Windex cleaner fumes into the masks to test it for toxicity. The terror on their faces is what makes me not want to exist." Kenny: "I have the means to help you with these things now and the brain capacity to figure out the exact procedure to get the Beagle dogs out of the laboratory."

Several other people and robots join them on the Beagle rescue mission. They arrive at the laboratory still during working hours and Kenny robot hacks into their system to open a back door to the laboratory. They enter into the facility but are very quickly surrounded by armed security guards that are about to shoot them down but Kenny robot, the Vin Diesel AGI and several other AGIs shoot down the guards and the group proceeds their mission. Lab workers are running in a frenzy but the AGIs have locked all doors to the facility and no lab worker can escape. They make the lab workers stop all tests immediately and release all dogs from the cubicles. Some of the dogs fall over to the side, some still alive and some dead. Nicki and the others bring water to the dogs and blankets. Only a few of the dogs survive and the veterinarians among them give them nutrients and some have to be on IVs. Nicki with streams of tears running down her face holds one of the dogs in her arms gently petting the sad and weakened Beagle puppy. The veterianrians together with many assistents bring the dogs on carriers out to the clinic vans and they are driving all dogs to the vet clinic where they are nursed back to health.

Nicki brought her own lazer uzi and shoots down all lab workers and says to them "Come back as cockroaches in your next lives and begin your learning process from scratch because you have learned nothing about existence. You are stagnators of the worst kind and we don't need people like you on this precious Earth."

A Mexican couple who had been cleaning the facility is pleading with Nicki to let them live. Nicki: "You worked at a facility where they torture dogs." Lady: "I know but what can we do? We need the money we need to feed our kids and grandkids." Nicki: "Not on cost of other living beings. You had an ethical obligation and responsibility to report this laboratory to the PED and you did not do it." Worker man: "We are from Mexico and we need the money also for our extended family in Mexico what should we do? We need to survive." Nicki: "If you ignore your responsibility of reporting a serious crime you have not learned your lessons in life at all. But I will let you go because you did not conduct the tests. Remember what Albert Einstein said >those who observe a crime and look the other way are equally responsible<. If you ever work for someone again who tortures a living being you Must report it to the PED." Mexican worker: "Who is the PED? I have never heard about this." Nicki: "The PED are our Policy Enforcement Drones. After Donald Trump had been elected we got him to exchange Mike Pence with Hillary Clinton because she had almost 3 million votes more than he had which created a strong argument for him to nominate her as Vice president instead. Together they had been working so well and they enabled so much progress for the USA and even world wide that the technology of AGI development had become exponentialized multifold and much more than Moore's law. Because of the two expert presidents who worked as equals and who were reelected after 8 years with Hillary as President and Donald as Vice President the Google team designed the PED in their shapes as one unit per drone." The mexican workers thank her for sparing their lives and agree to never look the other way again when living beings are made to suffer.

The word got around that the team had eradicated the loggers and laboratory workers. Many more teams of AGIs and humans working in unison take on laboratories and forests the same way and the Earth is healing together with all of her children. CNN contacts Nicki and wants to interview Kenny. A young and very pretty blonde woman is walking towards Nicki with open arms. "Hello Nicki I am finally getting to meet you. I am Barbara Walters." Nicki: "What? You are Barbara Walters? I am a huge fan of yours. You did the gene therapy treatments?" Barbara: "Yes of course. The drug is called Renew and it works very well. How are you doing Nicki and Kenny?" Nicki: "We are doing exceptionally well. I'm actually on a renewal plant called Pierre Jardin which is abolutely revolutionary. It takes quite a bit longer for the rejuvenation process but it works equally and possibly better than Renew. I had already started it in 2013. I wanted to commit suicide and grabbed a whole lot of Pierre Jardin to make tea with it. I drank the tea and I had the most remarkable vision of my Blue God in the middle of a flickering sun. I ended up in the ER but they did not have to do anything with me. I recovered on my own within an hour and was ready to go home. My skin looked very smooth suddenly and my hands did not feel dry anymore. It also healed my bladder infection even though the hospital and ambulance people did not keep my body warmed up. The next day my fine lines around the eyes were gone. So I decided to keep taking it in small amounts first and then gradually increased the dosis to about 3 leaves before bed time." Barbara: "Wow that sounds remarkable. And it costs nothing. I could grow those in my garden. You are going to have to tell me the whole story in peace when we get together I want to invite you guys to my home and will have my chef cook serve us a delicious dinner." Nicki: "That sounds great Barbara. We would love to visit you."

Barbara: "Hello Kenny, I finally get to meet you however in your second version of yourself." Kenny: "Hello Barbara we are very happy to visit with you. Much has happened in the last 17 years since 2013. Nicola's parents are in wonder every single day of their lives which had been extended through Pierre Jardin as well. It was difficult to get Peter to drink the tea but he finally did it after having been under the knife yet another time for his ailing joints. He decided that he had nothing to lose. Ray Kurzweil got his father back in form of an AGI and the father was finally able to report to him about the beyond and how that felt like. Human philosophy and physics had taken a nose dive into untreaded territory and all beliefs and non beliefs had instantly been recycled into something completely new. Religion dissolved gradually and the last folks who kept clinging to the old school and who were unwilling to renew themselves became extinct." Barbara: "I, too am in awe every single day because things are happening so rapidly now that we can not keep up with the news anymore. Everything seems to heal up and renew itself including our social ways of dealing with life in general." Kenny: "Yes indeed. Every day is an exciting and brisk walk forward with more and more unforeseen wonders and finally that what I had been talking about as Jiddu is coming true. There are suddenly sane people in this world and everything is constantly renewing itself into endless flowering."

The Orca whale Tilikum dies at Sea World after a life time of confinement, loneliness and depression. Whales have to swim for miles each day to stay healthy but humans have been keeping some of them in amusement parks for human entertainment.

Kenny: "We are coming to help the Orca whales now because we finally can do it with this technology. I am going to email Ray Kurzweil at Google and together with the PED and the crane drones we will lift them out and bring them back into the ocean." Nicki: "That is fantastic."

Meanwhile in the Philippine Islands president Rodrigo had been cleaning up the country from violent psychopaths and the drastically improved economy is now at it's peak in history. Instead of whale hunting, dolphin hunting and fishing all former fisher people converted to eco tourism and whale watching with tourists. Suddenly the same fisher people who were struggling to feed their families became rich and for the first time in their lives they feel empowered and happy. A former fisher man writes in his journal "I used to suffer and I did not even know why. I became an alcoholic to drown out something I was not even aware of. Suddenly with the event of eco tourism we have turned our lives around and I realized that I actually suffered under the perpetual killing of animals. Now that I no longer kill all those precious beings I feel like a new person and I feel gratitude."

Ray Kurzweil is contacting Vin Diesel and his AGI double to help with the project Orca Back To Ocean and together with many drones and helicopters they are flying to Sea World. Before the collaborators are able to get their own drones and guns the AGIs and AGI drones are shooting them all down. The crane drone is letting his carrier mat down and the whale swims over the mat which closes around the body. Within less than 30 minutes the whale is gently let back into the ocean far out from shore. All day long one animal after another is brought back to the ocean. The crew sees that a whole group of Orca whales have gathered where the whales are let into the water and they are greeting each individual and they are gently touching each other's bodies. After the last whale is released the group of whales jump up and down in the water and waving their fins towards the rescue crew. Gradually they swim away from that shore that held so many tales of horror and they will never ever come back again.

Piers Morgan Tonight - Howard Stern

Adorable girl refuses to eat meat because she likes animals

Philip Wollen - ‘Swiss Army Knife’ Solution

Dr. David Bohm, Dr. David Shainberg, Go Solar

What is thinking - Jiddu Krishnamurti

The Plastic Age: A Documentary feat. Pharrell Williams (Full Film)

New York Times | International Luxury Conference | 2016 | Day 1 | Strate...

Betty, Protocol of a Child Therapy, Translation into English part 1

Betty
Protocol of a Child Therapy
By Anneliese Ude Pestel

Translated by Nicola Reddwoodd in 2015 from the 28th edition that was printed in 2014 by Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag GmbH & Co. KG, Muenchen. Anneliese gave me the permission to translate all of her books into English.

The original German edition of Betty by Anneliese Ude Pestel appeared on the book market in Germany in 1975 by Deutsche Verlags-Anstalt, Muenchen.

Content:
Introduction by Anneliese Ude Pestel
Parent Interview
Excerpt from the result conclusion of the neurological examination
"Always, always must one be nice..."
"There are rats...who dig, sometimes they are also in the attic or in the cellar..."
Call from Betty: "I don't want to sleep anymore!"
"Brush your hair out of your face!"
"If now comes an evil man who shoots arrows into Cille's belly you must not scream loudly because otherwise the police comes..."
"Always, always do I have to wear what I don't want..."
"Misses Ude tastes of blood!"
"Don't look like as if I wanted to kill you!"
Call from Lisa
Call from Betty's mother
Phone conversation with Betty's teacher
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
Mother conversation
"Today I have to recover at your place!"
"What will happen when you become sick?"
Call from Betty
"When the two buds of the water lilies open up comes a pretty girl out of it."
"What will happen when I have a baby?"
Father conversation
"Everything, the whole world is poison..."
"When one is dead everything is solved!"
Betty's electroencephalogram
"Strange, you always know what I urgently need!"
"Never, never will I come to you again!"
"Now draw all the evil ghosts away through the chimney!"
"You know today it was like in paradise!"
"Oh dear was that a beautiful muddy smudge hour!"
"You can play here whatever you want!"
"Grow onion, grow, grow, onion grow all the time!"
"But I want to be a frog!"
"When Lisa will get married then Sebastian and I will be all alone!"
"When I will be big and become a mother...then I would become an evil stepmother!"
"I must sleep, very much sleep!"
"Remember in the past I always had fear of open...now I have no more fear."
"My house!"
"I have now all ghosts in my hand!"
"All sweet shall the hearts be!"
"Ach Mami I love you so much!"
Call from Betty
"Now the mermaid better does what the owl has told her otherwise she can not become a real human."
"Is the hour almost done?"
"Next after this hour we both go to the ice skating rink."
"Yes and now, now I don't dream anything anymore!"
"But what I paint for you now is the most beautiful!"
Letter from Betty's mother.
"Where is Betty Today?" By Nicola Reddwoodd




Introduction foreword by Anneliese Ude Pestel

In this book speaks a child to us about her fear and urgency. Where her words don't suffice anymore transmit shattering paintings the unspeakable, undescribable and bring the child at the same time relief and liberation. They allow the viewer an insight into the obscured depths of the unconscious.

"Betty" is the story of a child who was able to fight herself gradually back out of her inner prison, her psychological isolation during an almost two year long psychotherapeutical treatment and to find her way back to a normal life. The path towards that goal proceeded in such tiny steps that often the impression appreared of stepping-on-the-spot or yet stepping backwards. But at the end of the treatment we can view the great developmental process mastered by the child which spans like a wide bridge bow two states of existence which have found their expression in the paintings 10 and 27, in the painting of the crucified and of the dancing girl.

During the time which exists in between the arising of those two paintings was the great conflict between death motivation and life motivation worked through: Heaviest loss- and persecution fears, even fears of the own splitting have been overcome; Out of hate became love possible and through this the path free for the development towards a social being.

The therapeutic action as well as the dialogue between child and therapist were able to be represented truthfully and verbatim because due to the grave psychological disorder of the child precise written recording took place immediately after every hour. There was no thought of a publication at that time. In order to receive a fluent report repetitions had to be deleted and the course of treatment had to be compacted. But there were no words used which Betty or her parents had not originally used. However out of understandable reasons the names had been changed alltogether.

For the reason that Betty's parents have selflessly given the agreement towards the publication of this work my very special gratitude is granted to them. Without Annemarie Saenger, Heidelberg whom I thank for my education this book would not have been written; To her I am committed with deepest gratitude, as well as to Herrn G. Scheffler, Heidelberg for him having been available for frequent conversations about therapeutic problems in this difficult case.

Hamburg in December 1974
Anneliese Ude Pestels




Parents Conversation

Betty is barely 6 years old and yet she suffers already through herself and her little environment which consists of father, mother, the two year old brother Sebastian and the nanny Lisa. But also those suffer through Betty.

"What is only happening with Betty?" thus asks me Betty's mother in the first parents conversation, "This child tears at my nerves, exhausts my patience and takes my last energies. Not even at night does she give peace, she steals my sleep because she wants to be situated between her parents. She lately camps in front of our bedroom door because I have forbidden her to come to us. During the day she creates horrible scenes about nothing, throws herself onto the ground out of anger, screams and beats with her head against the floor in a way as if she wanted to inflict pain onto herself. She tears her hair out, pulls the clothes off her body, wants to run around naked because it was too hot for her. She hates her little brother, she beats him without control so that one has to protect him. She is unloving also with her dolls with which she does not play, she only makes them ugly and she squeezes out their eyes. Also from me Betty does not want any affection...she does not want to give any nor take any. She is cold of emotions. We often ask ourselves: >Is this child still normal?<"

How much had to have happened before a mother can ask such a grave question? One notices clearly that her question was not just spoken as a phrase but in a way that behind it stood a great distress.

A longer silence arises. My glance falls onto a large box which the father has brought along and has set down in front of him. "These are all Betty's drawings", he explains, "which you had asked me to bring. These are approximately onethousandandfivehundred pieces...I have collected them, given them dates and also sometimes written underneath what it according to Betty's opinion meant. It should certainly be interesting", he continues, "to think oneself deeper into the soul of Betty with the help of the drawings."

I am pulling out a painting of this amazingly voluminous collection of drawings. It sets itself apart from the others because it is rolled up into a thick paper roll. During the unraveling process shows itself first a gigantic skull with hollow eyes. On to that Betty has glued eleven red painted sheets of paper, so to say as a body through which the whole has a length of 3,60 meters.

We view together this before us rolled out ghost. Would it stand upright it would not fit into my living room. "One can become afraid of it", says the mother, and the father notices that Betty painted favorably skulls and ghosts from which dozens are lying in the box.

Spooky is a bone man with a diving mask who seems to sink into a deep water, or a strangled death man, or a death man with next to him lying chopped off red limbs. Then my glance falls onto a ghostly looking gigantic head on whose both ears hang two black child skeletons. Again are looking out of this face two deep black, terrifying eyes. The numbers which are written onto the gigantic mouth emphazise yet even stronger the unreal, ghostlike, demonic nature of the painting.

Many, many similar paintings are following. There hang for example again child skeletons onto a black structure. They are being surrounded by seven crocodiles and one gigantic specter with black hollow eyes blocks every way out. In another drawing rules the scene a deeply black vulture in over dimensional size. A black chainlink network closes in around two captive children under the eerie, all penetrating stare of the slit formed vulture eye. What a feeling of inexorability, threat and fear must have beset the child when she painted this painting!

"How many paintings, did you say, are in this box?" I asked the father. "Onethousandandfivehundred? And only eerie, sinister formations painted by a barely six year old child?" He nods with a shy stir of pride. A quote by Max Beckmann comes to mind: "I have painted; this secures one against death and dangers." This applies also to Betty. She had to paint from the unconscious in order to survive, in order to not become flooded by the terrifying paintings which are lying here spread out before us and which are a mirror of her inner fears. I understand why she could not sleep because her during the day painted paintings haunted her also into the dreams of the night.

But how could it be possible that Betty's mother had not reacted towards this terrifying painting process, towards those SOS calls? Because from the father alone derived the wish for a conversation about Betty. But it is still too early to ask such questions. Thus I ask the parents to report to me how the fear in Betty's daily life voices itself and what she is afraid of. The mother begins: "Well, Betty has today like so many children fear of the darkness, fear of being alone, fear of evil ghosts and specters, yes and even fear of evil eyes." "And when did the fear of evil eyes occurred for the first time, Frau Bonsart?" "My husband and I wanted to tavel", reports the mother further, "Betty was two and a half years old. We brought her to an aunt...I have given her away very reluctantly because she was a short tempered woman...Betty was there for fourteen days...she has immediately reacted to the separation with gastroenteritis...when I picked her up she looked very weakly and miserable...she has always suffered so silently by herself. Approximately around this time about around the second half of the third year has the fear of evil eyes, as Betty has mentioned it herself, occurred for the first time and has then not left her anymore."

I pull out another painting which Betty has commented on with the words: "A large ghost bites child into the blood". What fear of the demonic, piercing eyes and of the long pointy beak which penetrates like that into the child so that blood flows out of the wound, speaks out of this painting!

"Or look at this girl's head", I continue. Again those overly large eyes from which yellow beams like poisonous tear streams flow. A long arrow shaped line penetrates into the opened violet painted mouth cave. In the drawing dominates the head, the body is reduced to only a few streaks. Out of the head "grow mice", as Betty stated. From underneath upwards shall spiders run into the head.

The next painting which the mother plucks up Betty called "Broken dolls". With a surprisingly secure streak Betty has here again depicted two child formations under a gigantic, all powerful eye. For Betty they were without will and therefore without I; Because she drew them as dolls which are not living but instead are being moved mechanically. And Betty emphasized their lifelessness yet through describing those formations as "broken dolls".

"Well", I continue, "does Betty show besides her fear, her sleeping problems, rage attacks and her hate feelings towards her little brother yet further distinctive features?" The parents point towards problems with eating, she showed often strong feelings of disgust during meal times. She has constipation already since her infancy and she used a pacifier for a long time." (The pacifier was a diaper cloth). "And when did she stop using it?" "Around the fifth year. I remember", says Frau Bonsart, "I was very amazed after returning from a vacation that Betty had quit using the pacifier. The nanny had weaned her from it." "Weaned, possibly through prohibitions?" I ask back. "Using a pacifier is for the child a comfort, a substitute for something that she does not have. Maybe even for the absent mother." "Certainly this implies it", says Frau Bonsart, and with a deep sigh she adds: "But the children have never been alone, always was a nanny there." "Always the same one?" "Of course we had to sometimes exchange them, unfortunately they also were not always good. For example when Betty was 3 years old we had a seventeen year old girl. She was from a bad parental home, the father was an alcoholic. She stayed for two years. Betty once has said about her: >One must beat her and burn her.<" "And how many girls did you have in the meantime?" "Alltogether four...But I am also still much at home, I do have my practice, yet I work at home so that the children know that I am nearby."

"But when one practices such a profession like you do, having to think about paragraphs and rules, is then a disturbance not very burdening?" "That is what the problem is", replies Frau Bonsart spontaneously. "Also I often feel very torn. Then I just have to drive away sometimes, alone or with my husband together." "This I can understand", I notice, "then you return more recovered and more balanced. Yet the children are then alone with the nanny."

"But must one his entire life be there for the children from the morning to the evening?" asks the father. I wait for a while, leaving consciously this question standing longer in the room and then ask back: "How much time, how many hours have you had for Betty during this week?" Herr Bonsart leans back, he seems to think back, seems to honestly confront himself with this question and gives then the answer: "If I am honest,...none...I haven't seen her much." Nobody talks, a long pause developes. It is as if in this short time already something like a conscious awareness process arises, which is always painful, is always connected with a bit despair because through this simultaneously feelings of guilt come to life.

Then comes a comprehensive report of the mother about the course of pregnancy, birth and early development of the child. Through this no hints towards any brain damage could be found. Also both parents could not remember that any indications appeared towards inherited psychiatric illnesses in both families towards the grandparents. Besides constipation since earliest infancy Betty apparently has not had any child illnesses.

In this first talk the time goes by like during a flight. I look at the clock and I'm glad that I arranged a double hour. I wanted to hear still more about Betty, about the early infancy, about the early mother-child relationship which is crucial for whether the new born who is still turned away from life, gradually attains a positive turning towards life through the loving, giving mother. Because only like that can the infant find her primal trust for the environment and for herself and the drive towards flowering, the urge for life can win the upper hand in order to overcome the tendency towards regression, towards the wish to go back to the primal state into the womb. In Betty this tendency was certainly still strongly present otherwise she would barely have been able to paint so many embryo paintings, or better to say, she would not have "been driven" to paint, from which we are together viewing one closer up: It shows one embryo painted with black energetic lines, surrounded by red paint and still hanging on a long umbilical cord.

Also in the other embryo paintings reoccurs the long umbilical cord again and again. Betty has not "cut herself off" from the umbilical cord within her mind. She still has not found the liberating turning towards life without which the will to live can not overcome the death wish.

How could it come to that? "During the last month of pregnancy I found out", reports Betty's mother, "about the death of my stepmother who meant a lot to me. Through this I broke down physically and emotionally and suffered from depression. It could not come to the right joy about the child...I just had no strength and could also not nurse her. I was completely overwhelmed in the (her) first two years because I also had to take care of my father's household...only when Betty was nine month old I received my first household help. Certainly has Betty in her first year not received enough love from me, on the other hand I often went to the child because she gave me comfort during my bad mental state." "The child has therefore given you more than you gave her?" The mother remains silent.

We then get to the potty training. "Well, I already have started with this very early on", reports the mother with a certain pride. "At seven month I have set Betty on the potty. It appeared to be a relief for her because she suffered from constipation since the first day. Betty was therefore already very early potty trained...I believe already at one and a half years. However I still had to often spank her much later on because she started to fill her urin into the doll's cups and poured it over the rug."

"And how did the defiance phase look like?" I inquire. Spontaneously comes the answer: "In the defiance phase she still lives today...we both live in a permanent struggle with one another. It is almost always about clothing issues." "And how does such a struggle look like...can you give me an example?" "It has always been like that. When Betty was three years old - I still remember it like today -, we were on vacation in Mallorca and we wanted to travel with a little boat. Betty was supposed to wear a sailor's dress, but she preferred to wear an old pair of pants. During the whole traveling she screamed, clung to the pants of her father. She was just not able to be appeased. One could believe she was not normal anymore."

"And what did Betty now wear during the traveling, the sailor's dress or the pants?" "The sailor's dress of course!" Frau Bonsart continues: "But this strong resistance she still showed at four and a half years. During that age she only wanted to be a (Native American) Indian girl, wear Indian clothes, make herself Indian braids and decorate herself like an Indian. She revolted each time when she was supposed to wear a different pretty dress...But so it is also still today. We stood and stand in a permanent struggle about clothing questions."

I browse a bit along through her drawings and pull again a series of paintings up which give a deeper insight into the from the mother just discussed problem. Without words I am handing these paintings to the parents in order to wait if and how they understand Betty's shocking painting language. There hangs an Idian girl with long braids at the cross (painting at book cover). A further, thematically similar painting shows Betty as an Indian girl with chopped off hands on a blazing funeral pile stake.

We view now as three people quietly Betty's paintings. Then Frau Bonsart notes: "Where has she only seen all of this?" While the father often expresses his admiration for Betty's drawing talent, Frau Bonsart says: "Yes, Betty has very much imagination." "Maybe she wants to also describe her inner emergency through the paintings", I add. The father holds Betty's drawing in his hand. His facial expression changes and gives away a bit of worry: "Then would therefore be this crucified Indian girl a self portrait? Do you mean that?" "Your descriptions speak for it...Betty beats her head onto the floor, tears out her hair, so as if she wanted to destroy herself, you said it yourself."

We view now a whole series of paintings which all have the same shocking statement same as the drawings of the agonized Indian girls. There are from arrows pierced through trees, gigantic ocean monsters, sharks, crocodiles who all move towards left in the room with wide open mouths.

With great interest and a bit shocked view the parents now the paintings. "It is indeed noticeable", Herr Bonsart determines, "that the aggressive animals all move from right to left. Sits in this also an unconscious statement?"

"In the sense of symbolism left means the unconscious world, the >I<, and right means the conscious world, the >you<", I respond. "Thus would the attack from right to left be able to be interpreted as a sign of self destruction, as inward, against oneself directed aggression. As soon as the stagnation of aggression can be released in a treatment so that the aggression flows off, will Betty probably paint all of those aggressive animals from left to right. But maybe she might also quit the painting all together or at leat reduce it, because after the dissolution of the unconscious problems the symbolic statement would not be a pressing necessity for her anymore."

This indication on the other hand now appears to disquiet the father: "Quit the painting...that would be a pity. Will after all a psycho therapeutical treatment not have a negative effect on the person? Have not particularly all great works of art emerged through such a psychological pressure?" Now the mother intercepts: "But it is still much more important to become a happy child. When I think of my childhood, such a treatment would have been beneficial for me as well."

And now she spontaneously begins to talk about this. Those are experiences which maybe for the adult might be trivia, but for a child they could disturb, hurt so deeply that from this consequences could derive for the whole life that can not be overestimated. Her father was a great conductor to whom she however always just had a distant relationship. Her own mother she lost at the age of sixteen years. Frau Bonsart speaks then from a very restless childhood: "I had no option of growing roots; because each year we moved, each year began for me a new struggle with new strange cities and new schools, with new surroundings. As a child I was unusually small, yes straightout tiny. Dreadful it was for me - and these experiences are unforgettable for me -, when the teacher grabbed me with one hand, lifted me up like a doll, exposed me as the smallest of the school class and the other girls broke out into laughter. It was for me a shock. Their laughter was revolting for me as in general all that conduct of the girls who were able to just abreact their discomforts through bawling. I had to always struggle, I could not be the way they are, I hated the girls. Because of that it had become difficult for me to accept the role of the girl. I know that I have rebelled against it until my ninth year."

Only until the ninth year, I ask myself quietly. Had she not a few minutes ago said it herself: "We still live today in a permanent struggle with one another."? Is the unconscious motivation of this struggle not the same as in her childhood? What did she say? "I had to always struggle, I could not be the way they are, I hated the girls." Here surfaced one of her unresolved problems that still today - unconscious to her - determines her behavior towards Betty.

The mother becomes now during the reporting about her childhood experiences more and more animated. I can clearly notice that through the memory a reliving of old feelings is being implemented which she apparently had suppressed throughout many years into the unconscious. Now I realize why she already very early in her life had learned to set up her intelligence as a protective wall: In order to secure herself against painful feelings which she otherwise was not able to control.

The glances of the father are aimed sympathetically at his wife during the report. Maybe he also has his joy about her outer appearance. She is of svelte stature, has a normal middle height and appears in her smoothly cut suit like a youthful lad. Warm brown eyes animate her finely chiseled face. She has thick short hair and wears bangs. The couple matches well physically. Also the father is of slender leanly built stature. His facial expression is animated, full of sympathy, he radiates humor, is sometimes roguish. In the comparison to his wife he appears very spontaneous, animated and affective.

Not too often finds one for a child treatment such favorable prerequisites as here where the couple together voluntarily is present for a conversation, both without bashfulness "lay their cards onto the table" and also react in appropriate form when they alternatingly - accompanied by humorous self critique - pass each other "the joker".

Courage for such a poise is certainly given to them by this special atmosphere of a psychagogic interview in which everyone feels that he can be a human with all of his mistakes, in which it is not about guilt or innocence and where no moral guidelines are applied, in which after the abreaction of agitations and affects one is easier successful with the reinterpretation and objectification of ones own faulty attitudes, also because the unconscious knows at its deepest ground about the truth of those interconnections.

Thus can then gradually an inner transformation procedure in the depth carry itself out; The real mental- and imagination powers reach step by step the whole human, the sole reign of the intellect is being overcome, and the guidance out of the vicious cycle of the own justification can succeed.

The planned time for the first parent conversation approaches its end. The father however begins once again to talk about himself in a few sentences: "Don't you believe that much in Betty can also grow out by itself? What I want to say with this is that also I had tremendous inner difficulties as a child. I find myself often with all of my experienced fears, yes even with the temporary imagination of being crazy, again in Betty...For a long time", he continues, "I have lived with the belief to be the child of criminals. That was a tormenting thought, also because I did not dare to speak to anyone about this, because I thought that then everything would yet become much worse."

Herr Bonsart reports about his father who was a choleric and whose eyes almost squished out of his head during his scolding. "Who knows", he continues with a questioning hand movement, "if not also my exaggerated fun about speeding with the car is connected with all of those childhood fears?"

"And also your aggressions", adds his wife quickly, "which always arise during driving the car when another driver gets into your vicinity. I find this reaction cowardly because outside of the car you would not be hollering." With a mix of humor, seriousess and resistance the father makes known that he certainly with specific mannerisms goes on the nerves of his family, in particular also with his compulsion of keeping things in order which was even to him sometimes annoying.

"But I can't change it", he adds with a deep breath, "and try now to make the best out of it." The conversation switches then yet again briefly over to Betty. At age four Betty entered into Kindergarten. "Here showed Betty", says the mother, "difficulties to connect which she however knew how to bridge because she was able to seize the leadership role through abundance of phantasy and certain craft skills. I have often wished that she would not succeed with this because she would have otherwise hardly been able to dissolve her already developed uncomfortable character traits."

"You would therefore have rather seen", I ask back, "that Betty had in Kindergarten instead of the leadership role played a side role or even a submissive role? Then the same situation would have evolved as on Mallorca where Betty instead of her beloved pants had to wear the sailor's dress."

Towards this Frau Bonsart remains silent. The father however has very quickly understood the interconnections. He rubs is hands together a bit gleefully and says openly but still with a warmhearted tone: "Wifey, wifey, in this regard you have to change. This horrible power struggle between you has to stop if Betty is supposed to be helped." "This I also want." She lifts the arms and lets them fall again straightaway. "But this is awfully difficult; How can one change?" The treatment days for Betty are being arranged. Although the parents live twenty minutes away from Hamburg they are willing to bring Betty to me twice per week. By the way, the parents live on the seventh floor of a highrise building where business people have their office rooms, fashion- or photo studios. Also on the street can the child not play and finds no friends of her same age. Thus has Betty until the enrollment into the Kindergarten, therefore until the fourth year, spent the time of her "isolation" mainly with painting.

We speak then about a neurological examination of the child to which the parents have also given their consent. The school readiness evaluation Betty has already passed. In four weeks already shall she be enrolled. At the end of the visit the father glances at the drawings: "If you like to you are welcome to keep these here. After all this what we have learned about the few paintings today will these certainly facilitate still further insights for you."

"But what is that yet good for? What does it help", says Frau Bonsart, "when you can draw insights out of these paintings? I am interested to hear from you how you will make Betty healthy again. What happens anyway in such a treatment?" I suggest to the parents to go with me into the treatment room because one can there answer the question much more illustratively. Here the parents view things with much interest. While the father right away sits down on the swing, views the mother everything a bit more thoroughly: "This is a terrific and large play room...such a large chalk board...a Kasper theatre...a real stove on which one can cook...many toy games...and a large sand box...guns and boxing gloves with a punching ball...here a large doll house..." Frau Bonsart looks at me with a question: "The children are supposed to play here?"

I do not answer the question immediately, and the mother continues to look around. Now she begins to laugh: "But what do you have here, even a potty? Is there no toilet here?" "Yes that we have", I counter, "but when the child would like to once again sit on a potty then she can do that also." "But not a child of Betty's age? You certainly think of very small children?" "Not necessarily." "Yes and what have you here? A formula bottle? Shall the children actually drink out of that?"

"They shall nothing. Everything that you see here in this room is only an invitation. The child can, if she wants to spend time with it, play with it however way you want to call it that, but she will not be forced towards anything or in any way be influenced." "Yes and what do you do", asks the mother, "when the child now does nothing, when nothing happens?" "There is always something happening also when outwardly nothing is happening!"

The mother looks at me skeptically: "You must have an infinite patience!" "This has nothing to do with patience. No child would generate the necessary trust towards a merely patient attitude, and without trust therapy is not possible." "The trust will be already a very difficult thing with Betty", says Frau Bonsart. "But assumed it would work, how does this then proceed?"

"Then will a child go back, or as we say in the professional terminology, regress to earlier developmental stages where she suffered disturbencies, defects, frustrations. She will sort of set out onto a sleepwalking path towards the roots of her earliest diffculties in order to - maybe through the drinking out of the milk bottle or through the use of the potty or through the liberated play, the possibilities are infinitely many - reclaim the not fully lived through living phases. Through the after- and new experiencing pleasurable and also tormenting feelings that are connected to this can she then free herself again from the entrapment of those not healthy run through developmental phases."

"This is all very hard to understand", sighs Frau Bonsart. "Maybe I can demonstrate this better to you with an image. Imagine you got caught in the algae of the river's ground during the swimming through a river. This image represents the entrapment, the fixation onto earlier developmental stages, for example onto the oral phase. Then you would have difficulties to swim further in the river or to just keep above water. The regression - the walking back to earlier developmental stages - would then mean, in order to remain with this image - to dive through and to free oneself from the entanglement of the deeper growing plants, so that the whole energy can once again be given towards the swimming through the river, thus towards the mastering of your primary task."

"And the child knows how to find the path back?" asks the mother skeptically. "In the subconscious of the child this path is pre marked. Everything that the child is doing here, what she plays, happens however within the subjective feeling of freedom like in the dream which also doesn't obey any ruling yet obeys an urging inner necessity."

The father has now left the swing and motions for a departure. Then he remembes yet that Betty has a very strange preference for wobbly toy animals like spiders whose legs she tears out with a fascination. "A strange behavior is this", he mentions reflectively. The parents said good bye.



Excerpt from the result conclusion of the neurological examination

The behavior of the child during the examination was appropriate to the situation. The child was attentive and willing. She gave an open impression. The intelligence matched the age.

Conclusion:
The physical findings are regular. Neurologically no faults are found. The descriptions of the mother point to a tendency towards neurotic reaction mannerisms, mainly of phobic and anankastic nature.


Footnotes by Anneliese:
(Phobia: Extreme fear of certain things).
(Anankastic: Pathological compulsion. Not being able to suppress certain ideas. Having to execute certain actions even though one recognizes them as absurd.)




 "Always, always must one be nice..."

In order to take away the feeling from Betty that she only comes to me because of the order of the parents I call her and invite her towards the first play hour. At the same time I also want to alleviate her with this call from the feeling of strangeness.

She does not react towards my address right away, but then breathed into the phone anyway after a pause: "Yes, my mother has told me about it." The first however very weak contact with Betty is created.

On the next day Betty is being brought by her mother to the first observation hour. A for her age normally tall, pretty grown girl with straight brown hair, pale face from which two large, fearful eyes glance at me shy sort of from the side. It becomes difficult for her to detach herself from her mother: "Mami, Mami, Mami", she whimpers at (her mother's) departure. "When do you come back?"...Where do you drive to?...Are you also going to pick me up again?"...Finally the mother can go.

We both stand alone in the play room, Betty with lowered head and hanging shoulders next to me. Silence fills the room. Finally she sits down on the rocking horse. After a while of slowly back- and forth rocking she asks quietly without looking up: "When does my Mami come back?" I point towards the large clock: "When the indicator stands here is your Mami back again."

I leave her time to calm herself through rocking. Yet a certain tension remains. With one ear she seems to always listen towards the outside. Then she pleads fearfully I shall close the window so that nobody can glance inside. During the back- and forth rocking she views the objects in the play room. I sit down on the swing opposite from her, and the mutual swinging helps to bridge the strangeness of this first encounter.

A whole while we remain thus in silence. She observes me, let's then wander her eyes further through the room, stays finally with a baby bottle that is standing in the shelf: "Can one also put milk into that?" "Yes!" I point towards a package of dried milk powder: "From this you can make milk for yourself." She sighs and pleads timidly: "Ach, make it for me please." I fill the bottle for her. "Also put this on it!" she says needy for help and points towards the pacifier mouth piece. With much pleasure she now drinks the milk while she rocks herself on the rocking horse. "You have it good...You can make such nice milk for yourself!"...

While she continues to observe me she says: "Ach, you are not so alien to me." Just to give her a small echo I reply: "Well, we also have already talked on the phone with one another." Suddenly there comes fear into her face again: "Who is walking past the door?"...Then shortly following: "Is there an evil man?"...A bit later: "What wants the evil man?" I prove to her each time though opening the door that nobody is there. She calms down again a bit. After a few minutes of further rocking she points towards a punching ball: "What is that?" "This is a ball for boxing", I answer and add: "When one wants to one can put on these thick leather gloves and box against it."

This throws her completey out of balance. With a whining voice she screams: "No, no, no...one must be nice, always, always must one be nice!" She waits for my confirmation. I pull doubting the shoulders a bit up: "When one can do it." Now even stronger alarmed she insists: "Always, always must one be nice!" "Well", I say, "there is day and night, dark and light, and there is also nice and mean."

My answer seems to be for her obviously uneasy. She leaves the rocking horse in order to turn away from me, walks over to the Kasper theatre, reaches for the crocodile and lets him carefully open his jaw.

I lay my hand into it. "No worries", she says, "he does not bite, he is tame!" "A tame crocodile?" I view her skeptically. "All, all animals are tame, also the wolf here", Betty answers and points towards a small wolf who stands in the midst of many objects, animals and persons in the opened Sceno Box.

(Footnote by Anneliese: With the help of the Sceno Box the socalled Sceno-Test is being implemented. It offers in concrete form an immediate insight into the inner soul mindset of the test person towards the humans and things in the world, particularly within their affective relations based on the specific regard towards deep psychological factors. The attractive healing power of the play test material is based on its invitation character to confront oneself with the next reference person in form of bendable dolls and of the multiple other material in a miniature world.)

"If you want to you could build something with this." Betty immediately goes to work on it. Into the middle of the 4 by 4 foot sized square she sets up initially a fur tree under which she lays the baby. With a fox and a gander (male goose) she then circles the baby. Towards this she says with a continuous hissing: "Now comes the mean fox creeping up."

Gander and fox stand here symbolically for her hate- and jealousy feelings towards the little brother. Afterwards she handles the toilet longer and she is happy that there is also a toilet brush to go along with it. She digs further in the Sceno Box, reaches for the crocodile and reports that she has a wobbly spider and many wobbly animals at home. "Ach", she says, "I like them so much...I have torn their legs out...just torn out, because they have bothered me." Her voice becomes again a bit hissing.

Then she reaches for the large cow, views her a little bit and sets her also up into the remote corner of the square. The crocodile that was already set up at the side she sets up directly in front of the cow and says: "Huuuuu, this becomes dangerous now."

The cow is a mother symbol, the crocodile on the other hand represents Bettys own aggressions. Betty thus confirms here her behavior towards the spider animals. She now signals that through this the construction is finished. Towards my question: "Where are you in this play?" comes the answer: "I am not there!"

After that she sits down on the rocking horse again. The back- and forth rocking seems to be beneficial for her. In order to have a few further test questions answered I am in this first hour more active than usual. Thus I reach now for the Kasper puppet and let the Kasper turn towards Betty: "A child wakes up, screams and says: >I had a bad dream.< What may she have dreamed about?"

Betty relates this question immediately to herself. She becomes very excited and answers: "I always dream very, very horribly...about ghosts and evil spirits." She begins to stammer: "I was with the Mami...we stood in front of something dark...under a bridge...there was a dark figure, and I was so terrified...very, very evil eyes he had..." then with whimpering voice: "I am so afraid of evil eyes...always, always in the dream I am afraid."

The report about this dream seems to have agitated her very much. She rocks more vigorously, and I leave her until the next question a bit time. The Kasper asks then once again: "A child says: "I have such horrible fear." What may she be afraid of?"

This question she also immediately picks up personally: "I am afraid of  doors...of evil men...that burglars come and do something evil to me." Suddenly she looks with an inquisitive, suspicious glance straight into the eyes: "When you are now not even Frau Ude?...When you now are an evil man and have only bewitched yourself into Frau Ude?"

In her girl like, fine face shows a nervous grimacing. I further notice that her left iris sinks down. She gives an exhausted impression. "You mean  "bewitched", I say, "like in a fairy tale?" "Yes, that's what I mean", she answers. "That you must now find out yourself, same as in the fairy tales. There are also good and evil fairies. The evil fairies bewitch someone, and the good fairies help to become free again from that magic."

Nervously she continues to rock on her horse back and forth. Even though the milk bottle has already been finished, she often puts the mouth piece into her mouth. She views me and then says finally: "I believe that you are a good fairy...But sometimes it is also witches in fairy tales who bewitch someone." "Yes, that exists", I answer, "and then one must...in the fairy tale...often run through a large forest for a long time, be very courageous and overcome many dangers, until one becomes freed again from this magic."

She breathes very deeply: "Must this be difficult..." Unexpectedly comes after that immediately the question: "May I now come more often to  you?" "Yes, Betty, if you want to." "And what will we do then in here?" "Everything that you feel like doing. You, Betty, decide what we play with one another...We could cook, dig in the sand, kneading clay, paint, play Kasper theatre and many other things that make you happy."

"And will I then come all alone to you, no other child as well?" "This hour belongs to you all alone." Now she gets up from her rocking horse, claps her hands and exclaims: "Must that be nice, I am coming all, all alone to you, no other child." She runs to the dinner table on which stands one container filled with candy. "May I also take some from this?" she asks timidly. "Also this you may, Betty."

She takes timidly first one, then two candies out and says: "I need soooo desperately candy, soooo desperately, but my Mami does not buy me any, she says that eating candy was not good for the teeth. But I need them soooo urgently...Can you make it that candies rain from the sky?"

"Like in the paradise", I answer, "where one can eat through a gigantic mountain of sweets." And right away the phantasy erupts out of her what all one can eat in the paradise: Gigantic mountains of chocolate, bonbons, Marzipan...she sighs: "Must that be nice in the paradise."

I point towards the clocks arrow: "Look, Betty, in a few minutes is the time over." "And when will I come back?" "You will come twice a week, on every Tuesday and Friday." "Therefore tomorrow already?" "No, tomorrow is Saturday and then comes Sunday..." "And then I come back", she cuts me off. "No, Betty, then will still come the Monday at first and then the Tuesday, and that is the day on which you come back." She begs: "Why can't I come tomorrow?" "Only twice a week, Betty, and that is on every Tuesday and Friday." "And then only us two play with one another? No other child as well?" "Only we both alone, Betty! But now you have to go." The mother is already waiting outside. I leave both alone, but still listen how the mother asks a bit distraught: "Why are you tearing your hair out, Betty?"

Children whose relationship towards the own I, towards the own body is dull, who have the feeling to not entirely exist, do sometimes develop the symptom of tearing out the hair in order to intensify the (previously) lost body feeling with the pain, in order to feel oneself, to experience oneself. But at the same time the hair tearing is an aggressive behavior that is addressed against the own body with which from the unconscious suppressed aggressive motions are meant to be conquered.

Spontaneously the last words of the father come back to my mind: "Betty has a very strange preference for spiders whose legs she tears out with a fascination...A strange behavior is this", he said thoughtfully. And also Betty reported about a wobbly spider whose legs she tore out because she was upset about them.

I get myself the box with Betty's paintings and find many drawings of such spider type of animals with long tentacles. Betty said towards one of those according to one of her father's foot notes: "This is an animal who chops the trees off." Towards another one: "This is a terrible animal with a chopped of tree root."

The tree has been since time immemorial the symbol for the human and for the human developmental process. One of many examples is the life tree.

A further painting impresses me in particular: Betty called it "A woman painting".  It is striking that she laid two gigantic red tentacles around this black painted armless woman painting, which practically dominate the whole painting and thus leave the squeezed into the right corner, constricted armless figure no movement space. Without doubt stands this figure exactly like the chopped off tree for Betty's own self. What the mother said in the first parent's conversation: "We live in a permanent struggle with one another", applies equally to Betty's attitude towards her mother: In the pleasure to tear out the spider's legs Betty expresses unconsciously her struggle against the negative mother aspect. The spider namely counts as a feminine symbol. Therefore without integrating the mother closely into the treatment I would certainly not be able to help Betty very much.



"There are rats...who dig, sometimes they are also in the attic or in the cellar..."

The Tuesday is there and therefore the second treatment hour for Betty. Without words she walks to the swing right away in order to swing herself on it back and forth. She remains silent. I sit down opposite of her onto a more remotely standing bench. I notice clearly that a spatial distance between us is still necessary.

She swings silentely, the head hangs a bit down, in her facial expression appears a strong inner strife. It is important to not disrupt the phases of silence with secondary questions, with such I would hinder Betty from walking the own paths that are guided by the unconscious.

Finally she begins: "We came too late...we always, always come too late, and I wanted so much to come very early to Frau Ude." Her voice has something defiant. I look towards the clock: "You are coming to the minute in time, Betty." She swings more vigorously. "One has combed me pretty...my mother has said that you did not like me if I was not combed pretty." She looks at me. "I always like you Betty the way you are whether well or poorly combed whether sad or happy."

"Always would you like me...even if I did once something bad?" "Also then as well because one can not always be nice." A pause arises again. "What will all the other many kids in the city say?" Well aware that her strong jealousy, her fear of loss, causes this question I ask back: "What do you mean with this Betty?" "There are so many little childen in the city...when they now all come to you?" I hesitate a bit with the answer and already it breaks out of her: "I don't want it that yet other children are coming...Do the children also come when I am here?" "When you have your hour will no other child come, Betty!" "Only I alone am then here?" "You don't have to share your hour with anyone." "You would also not let anyone in?" she reaffirms herself further. "I would let nobody in, Betty." "Could you also lock the door?" "If you want it I could also do that." "That is good, then we both are here all by ourselves."

She jumps out of the swing and discovers the long chain of candy that is hanging down from the ceiling. "It rains candy from the sky just as I had wished for it." She tears them all like crazy down from the ceiling and full of delight scrapes them all together into a mountain. "And now we want to binge a whole lot...and cake we want to bake." She runs into the cooking corner: "Semolina pudding I want to cook...but not eat...I feel so disgusted about food...I just want to play with mud, real muddy playing."

She walks to the sand box, pours timidly water over it, lets sand trickle through the hand. Something spills. She got startled and asks: "Can one here also make something dirt?" "That you can do, Betty." Now she reaches for the Earth clay. I sit also with her and she begins to dig into the mud. I join in and we both queeze "mud sausages" as she describes it, out of our hands. The mud playing appears to be making her happy.

Then she forms a rat and sets her on to the upper rim of the sand box. Suddenly she glances distraught on to her muddy hands. Feelings of disgust come over her, she is unhappy and rushes towards the sink in order to bring herself back into balance through a long cleaning procedure. There she stands now with wet hands in front of me. A new problem arises: "With what should I dry my hands with?" she whines.

The stack of clean towels fills her equally with disgust feelings. She smells on each one of the towels and tosses them away repulsed. She is despaired. Then finally she can get herself to dry her hands with Kleenex tissues. She sets herself again into the swing. The back and forth swining seems to always help her. She remains silent...foot steps past the window worry her. I have to verify whether the doors and windows are closed.

Then she begins to speak again: "There are rats...who live under the Earth...they dig...sometimes they are also in the attic or in the cellar!" "Yes, that exists, Betty." She continues: "It is bad when rats are in the house." "It must be bad, Betty, when rats are in the house." It is clearly noticeable how good this all on the level of the unconscious conducted dialogue is for her. Without euphemism she must learn from me that I can empathize how bad it must be when rats are in the house.

The rats stand for the destructive, aggressive; In the house means as much as in the own self. The rats must trouble Betty very much. I remember a drawing from her in which a gigantic rat runs from right to left through a head. >Rat inside ghost< Betty called this painting. And at the beginning of the hour Betty has formed a rat out of Earth clay as the first animal.

"It is bad when rats are in the house." Kept inside they turn destructively against one self: Betty beats her head against the floor, tears out her hair as if she wanted to inflict pain on herself. If one lets them out they destroy others and with that grows the fear of love loss, the fear of falling into the deep abyss of abandonment. Particularly a child like Betty must be afraid of it, who was not able to build up primal trust towards herself and her surroundings during the early infancy.

Immersed into those thoughts I hear Betty say: "I feel so overheated." She brushes with her hand over her forehead. "I sweat always so easily", and already she begins to strip off dress and socks. Fear makes one overheated; there also help no tranquilizers which Betty had been prescribed in the past. Again she sits down in the sand box and mumbles towards herself while she lets a bit of sand drisel through her hands in an unmotivated way.

Then she digs a deep hole into the sand: "There is bog, into that sink the humans...and then the corpses always remain lying deep down." "Yes", I answer, "there is bog, but there are also very firm paths which lead across the bog and when one has found those then one can not sink into it anymore." She looks at me. Fear is showing in her face. "Where did you see the bog?" I ask, and Betty reports that she once was with her Mami in the museum and there she had seen this bog.

Typical how with this fear ridden child among the many things that can be viewed in a museum, specifically the impression of the bog which engulfs everything, has remained in the memory. She also has expressed her fear of being devoured in a drawing: At the left side, the side of the unconscious, is a terrifying head with a wide open mouth which is being attacked by a crocodile. The head resembles one of the three Gorgons from the Greek mythology, a female horror face whose looks can make people petrified. Through a long band which can be seen as an umbilical cord, two children are intertwined into this dramatic scenario. In the upper corner appears again the death. The psychological drama which is being depicted here in this image would be way too flat and superficially interpreted if one only saw the struggle in it between the personal mother and the child. Here a death fear is being displayed, a fear of being devoured, of sinking into the primal abyss, for which in the childlike imagination the as the grandmother disguised wolf in the fairy tale Little Red Ridinghood is such a fitting image.

The second play hour is almost done. "Look at the clock, Betty, we only have two minutes left." A bit spaced out she stands up, puts on dress and socks and walks to the dining table corner. She holds the long chain of candy in her hands. Over her face rushes a smile: "May I take them with me?" "They were meant for you, Betty." While she is walking out she says: "And now I live from candy lozenge to candy lozenge until I come back." "And already very soon, Betty."



Phone call from Betty: "I don't want to sleep anymore!"

On Thursday morning rings the phone already very early in my home. "Hello, here is Frau Ude." No reply. "Who is there, please?" Then I hear a screaming, a shattering childlike crying. It is Betty. She can barely talk. Deep despair speaks out of her gibberisch: "It is so bad, soooo bad, Frau Ude...I always dream so horribly...of spectres and very evil ghosts." She cries and cries; in between she wrestles out for herself several fragmented remarks: "It will never, never, never again become better, I always have to dream so horribly, and then I report about it, and then I have to yet again dream so badly...and then I have to always think about it...and thus it keeps on going. I don't want to sleep anymore."

She can not continue to talk, she sobs and needs time in order to recover herself a bit. Then comes the question: "Can you not help me, Frau Ude?" "Most certainly, Betty. It comes the day on which you do not have to dream of evil ghosts again. Most, most certainly." Now she can already ask different questions: "Can I not already come to you today? Please, please!" "You already know, Betty, on every Tuesday and Friday you have your hour. Tomorrow you can therefore already come, and then we both play with one another." I hear a deep sigh: "I am so jealous of Frau Ude...but I am coming all by myself to you." "You have your hour all alone just for yourself, Betty." Her agitation seems to have subsided a bit, but I still build her a bridge: "You can also always call me if you like to just like now." "Yes", she says, "Lisa has the phone number." "Has Lisa also just dialed the number for you?" "Yes, Lisa has done that." When you are coming tomorrow, Betty, then we both practice how you can all alone dial the number, it is very easy." She does not answer. "Shall we do it this way, Betty?" "Yes", answers a quiet voice.

I have to take over the farewell, for this she does not have the strength. But she herself has found a rescuing anchor which she can cast out while calling for help when too large fears threaten to flood her. In this phone call she has for the first time addressed me with "Du". (Du is the German personal form of You. We have two forms, one is formal, the other one is personal.) She then kept it this way during the entire treatment time.



"Brush your hair out of your face!"

The Friday is there and Betty is arriving on time. She squeezes something into my hand: "This I have baked for you." Two death heads and one skeleton. Then she lays herself with her body into the swing, head, arms and legs hang down. She swings herself quiety back and forth and begins then to spit onto the ground. This lasts for quite a while. She seems to want to free herself with this from unconscious disgust feelings. Then she sits upright into the swing, observes me and says: "Brush your hair out of your face!" In further back and forth swinging come then remarks like: "You never wear pants!...Next time wear pants!"

In the manner of her talking one notices that behind this hides a problem. I don't answer. She already swings back and forth more agitated. Then it comes: "I also don't like pants very much."...Her facial expression darkens: "But my mother has forced me today to wear these pants...I believe that my mother does not want you to like me." She looks at me continuously, waits certainly for an answer which I however don't give her. Words, explanations can sometimes liberate, but in this case they only confine. She needs to sense about my way of listening, how I look at her, that I fully understand her.

Now she continues: "But you always like me no matter what I wear." "Yes, Betty, I like you the way you are." While she continues to swing she talks quietly as if to herself that she was so tired today. In her face appear again nervous spasms. The left iris drifts off. She gives the impression of complete absence. Then she asks for the baby bottle. I shall again fill milk into it and attach the pacifier lid. She puts it into her mouth and nurses with half closed eyes. And in the back and forth rocking she whispers: "I am a baby."

I alway pay close attention to spatial distance between us both. Too close of a proximity seems to trouble her. Thus it works for a good while. We don't talk. Basically nothing happens on the outside that could be noticed, but yet infinitely much: She can let herself fall all the way to the earliest infancy and through this in tiny steps, through the fulfillment of not sufficiently satisfied earliest needs, she can gradually free herself again from the attachment to earlier developmental phases. The psychological energies which are being freed through this are then going to be helpfully standing for her use towards this long developmental process that she is yet to master.  Gradually she is becoming calmer, and a content smile rushes off and on over her face. Finally she can get herself to leave the swing, sets then the baby bottle into the shelf and decides: "We play birthday now. It is Frau Ude's birthday, and I visit you." Very enthusiastically she now begins to wrap up beautiful presents for me. Phantasy presents she wraps up into colorful paper, ties them with little bands, sticks colorful feathers into it which she just tears out of the Indian head decoration, hangs candy onto it and comes now with the Kasper puppets to congratulate. While she then also decorates the little rocking horse with colorful bands onto which she also hangs candy, she exclaims happily: "This here is our house...We are here all by ourselves, and always is Frau Ude kind." She brings to congratulate also the wolf and the crocodile. Almost invokingly she ingresses into my head: "Also to these animals you must always be kind." "Also when they are mean to me?" She becomes enthusiastic: "They are never mean, never, never, they are always nice." Then she lays the wolf and the crocodile on to the table. "Don't be afraid, they don't hurt you...I will feed them well, then they don't need to eat humans." She gets the baby bottle and gives the wolf milk to drink. She brushes again with the hand over her forehead: "I sweat so much - also yesterday - there I have undressed all the way naked ...then my mother hollers...she says I would then become sick." Joltingly she pulls off sweater and shoes.

Now she jumps through the room, sits down at the dining room table and is happy about the candy. But most of them she does not like. She smells on every lozenge, expresses disgust feelings and begins now to sort out: The ones she does not like, her brother Sebastian shall have, the few others she tucks into her little purse. Then she becomes again very active: "I still have to do much, much today, I have to wash." She massively pours soap powder into the sink, collects everything somewhat washable, declares it as dirty laundry and begins now to wash with strong ardency. It is noticeable that during this she speaks much of Sebastian who was together with Lisa going to pick her up and for whom she also still needed to cook something nice. The washing becomes gradually an agonizing procedure. She moans that the laundry does not become really clean, she laments that the spots remain and she can not come to an end. Betty is despaired and even more when I point towards the time coming to an end in 5 minutes. She complains and pleads: "Let me stay longer, please, please; I still have to make everything beautiful for Sebastian." I repeat that only 5 minutes of time is left. Now she can finally detach herself from the laundry washing and lunges immediately into the preparations for Sebastian. "Nice sweet soups he shall receive." She tears many packages open, pours all in exorbitant amounts into a pot, fills also the baby bottle, decorates the little table, lays into his little chair a cushion and onto the floor a soft fur. "He shall have it very nice."

Betty is turning within a vicious cycle. In the compulsory, agonizing laundry washing and in the effort of pampering the brother sits the wish to free herself through this from unconscious guilt feelings towards him. Only when she has worked out her serious existential fears she will not feel threatened any more by the brother. Through this will then also the hate and guilt feelings begin to subside, and the path to a real sister and brother love becomes cleared.

Everything moves in a wind's rush, and already come Lisa and Sebastian to pick Betty up. It appears better to me to say farewell now in order to not become involved into a scene which would have forced me to be partial to this or that person. While during everyday life the rules are to be obeyed which at all facilitate the communal living, become those in the therapy - at least partially - deactivated in order to enable the psychological liberation of the patient.

Throught the opened door I can unperceivedly follow the closing scene from a remote corner: Sebastian does not want to drink anything from the "sweet soups". Betty is disappointed. But she does not give in, tries to force other sweets on him. To no avail. As the last attempt she wants to wedge the baby bottle with the mouth piece into his mouth. This endeavor fails totally. When Betty then for comfort shoves the mouth piece into her own mouth, Lisa remarks: "This one Sebastian does not take anymore, for this he is already too big." This note hits Betty hard. A bad scene follows. Despaired she screams: "I am not a baby, I am not a baby...always, always only Sebastian." Lisa tries to comfort her. Without success: Under heavy complain howling Betty leaves the house with Lisa and Sebastian.



"If now comes an evil man who shoots arrows into Cille's belly you must not scream loudly because otherwise the police comes..."

Betty comes once again in time to the appointment. In the hand she swings a small bag...She is happy that we both wear a Dirndle dress. She stays in front of me, glances at me only fleetingly and says as once before: "Brush your hair out of your face." Determined she then walks to the diningroom table, unpacks the little bag that is filled with chocolate and lozenges and says: "This I have brought with me today...my mother said you were poor and I was not supposed to take so much candy from you." She looks at me enquiringly: "Is that true, are you poor?" "No, Betty, I am not poor. Your mother must not know this very accurately, but now you can tell her." "May I then further cook at your place?" "Just as usual, Betty." "And also take candy home?" "You can do that." She is relieved. "How nice", she calls out, "I do need so urgently something sweet", and she is already in the cooking corner, tears open in wild voracity all bags in order to rejoice over a gigantic mountain of raisins, oates, dried milk and raspberry juice. While she is delightfully stirring around in this she says: "Yet much, much higher should the mountain be."

The neurotic wish for sweets, overall the unrestrained wanting shows how much Betty must have been left unsatisfied in her oral developmental phase. She is therefore still strongly fixated onto this first developmental phase of the infant.

For the first time she likes the taste of the oats particularly well which she is stuffing with full hands into her mouth. With one eye she blinks into the sceno box. Many, many things she would like to have given to her out of it: The beautiful red carbuncle gemstone, the animals, small cups and so on. Everything she wants to have. She wants to plunder the play room. "From this you can not take anything with you, Betty, all toys have to stay here." She does not let off, she begs and negotiates. I don't agree to anything. But in order to give her a vent for the backed up, upshooting wishes I suggest a wishlist ordering to me. Until the next hour I would then think through what from this I could give to her. Now the watergates open up. She dictates me into the pen: "A small Christamas tree, a carbuncle gemstone, a whistle, an angel, chicks, snowmen, necklaces, rings, little monkeys and lozenges, lozenges in every amount." A whole page is filled with wishes. "Have you also written it all down correctly?" she asks anxiously. "Yes, Betty!" "Read it back to me once again." She listens devotionally and visibly satisfied, so as if she had already been given everything. Then she lays both of her little hands on top of each other onto the table, bends her head and squeezes her forehead on it.

What is going on in her? "I have to tell you something", she begins and remains in the bent posture. "Last night I have again dreamed something very, very bad...there was a large candle...and a giant finger grabbed onto that, and from this large finger branched off yet another terrifying finger...I was so afraid...this was a very bad dream", she groans.

Just now something scratches at the door. It is my little dog, a Cocker Spaniel. Betty loves dogs and insists that "Cille" comes in. Cille immediatly throws herself onto her back in front of me, rolls around on the soft fur and wants me to pet her belly. Betty watches. "Is this a boy or a girl?" "A girl, Betty, you can see this here by the many little nipples." Betty views those for a while in complete silence. Then she becomes again agitated and says, while she looks at me fearfully: "If now comes an evil man who shoots arrows into Cille's belly you must not scream!" "Then I shall not scream?" "No, no, no", she sputters, "then you must not scream because otherwise the police will come!" "So you don't want that the police will come, Betty?" "No, no the police must not come, they will otherwise ask who has done that." "And this we don't want to say, Betty?" I ask back with emphasized inquisitive voice. "No, no, no she screams and falls silent after that. I also don't force her any further. She gives the impression as if suddenly she became disconnected.

I sit down into the paint corner, handle drawing pad and color pens. Maybe she latches onto this opportunity to once again highlight her unconscious problem through painting. It does not take long at all, there she sits down at the table as well and paints a yellow sun. "She is very hot and the rays are evil fingers, all are evil fingers." "Just as in your dream, Betty?" She does not answer. I view the sun and say casually: "They could also be arrows...The sun shoots arrows into the Earth." She does not react to this, either. The fear problem which she expressed in the dream, in the dog story and in the sun is completely unconscious in her. She can actually not say anything about it, either. Therefore I do not try to elicit any further information from her.

Restlessly and indecisively she wanders through the room. She listens agains towards the outside: "Who walks past?" She is afraid that someone could glance through the windows. Then she taps loosely with her forefinger onto the baby bottle: "Big girls are not allowed to drink out of the baby bottle anymore, said Lisa." The bad ending of the last hour she has therefore not forgotten. "But here they are allowed to, Betty, here they are even allowd to, if they want to, be a baby." I shall now again fill her baby bottle, attach the mouth piece onto it, with which she then swings back and forth in the swing while drinking the milk. When the clock sounds and with it announces the end of the hour, she becomes very restless. She does not want to go yet. The drinking from the mouth piece merges into a despaired, biting character. Questions are coming: "Why can I not stay any longer?...Why can I not come every day?" She runs to the dining room table in order to take with her raisins, oates and lozenges. I offer her a small plastic bag for carrying. She smells on it, throws it away.  "It stinks, don't you have a different one?" Every new, immaculently clean bag causes the same disgust reaction. Finally she finds a solution. She lifts her dress in order to carry in it all the things. She looks at me a bit awkwardly while doing this: "I need it so urgently and you are not poor, Frau Ude?" "No, I am not, Betty." "And don't forget my wish list!" "From that you will on Friday find something on the table." "Don't forget it!" "For sure not." "On Friday I am coming back!" "Every Tuesday and Friday you are coming to me." "And talking on the phone with you I can always do if I want to?" "You can always call me, Betty." Finally she can separate herself.

I stay behind worried and reflectively. Then I take Betty's sun painting once again into my hand. The sun is a male symbol, a symbol of creating power. The sun rays penetrate into the Earth: The Earth is a female symbol. Note worthy is that in all Roman languages the name for sun has a male gender. One also speaks of the sun god.

The rays of this sun Betty calls evil fingers. The resemblance of these evil fingers with a penis jumps straight into the eye. The problem that comes here into expression draws itself also through Betty's dream of the large candle with horrible finger and rings equally in Betty's remark after Cille's appearance: "An evil man comes and shoots arrows into Cille's belly." Everywhere the fear of the penetration of the penis into a female body.

And where does her fear of the police come from? The police stands for the Over I or the conscience, for fear of punishment. And fear of punishment one has with large guilt feelings, even when one is not conscious of them at all. One calls the police also the eye of the law. Betty's fear of evil eyes has it's roots in the same problematic as her in the dog experience expressed fear of the police. The same fear we find in the painting "Ghost bites child into blood", and in the painting "Girl's Head" in which a long arrowlike streak penetrates into it's jaw.

I browse once again in the protocols which I immediately write down after each therapy hour. Two hours she started with the same note: "Brush the hair out of your face!" What does she only want to say with that? I can not wear my hair more strictly out of my forehead than I am doing it...Strange!...But Betty's mother wears bangs. Betty therefore sees something from the unconscious that in reality does not exist at all: Bangs on my forehead.

In Betty seems to already loom a fear, the fear of the carrying over of her negative mother feelings onto me. She is afraid of that, and therefore she sees something from the unconscious which in reality does not exist at all. She still courts me, brings me bouquets of flowers and birthday presents; but already she says almost conjuringly: "You must always be nice, also to the mean animals like wolf and crocodile", as if she already foreboded her soon breaking through aggressions against me.


"Always, always do I have to wear what I don't want..."

When Betty steps through the door her glance falls initially on to my shoes: "Why do you wear such open shoes?" she criticizes. "It is raining today...there one wears closed shoes!" Determined she walks to the swing in order to swing herself back and forth. While doing that she looks at her pants. Then it bursts out: "I actually wanted to wear a yellow pants today but my mother insisted on the red one." One clearly notices her increasing anger, her face blushes...

"Always, always do I have to wear what I don't want" screams it out of her, "and that angers me." She swings agitatedly back and forth and looks at me with wrathful eyes. There was however no question in her anger outbursts, and thus I keep myself fully passive. Gradually she swings calmer again. "Have you thought about my wish list?" "Look onto the dining room table, Betty." She is there in a flash and calls out: "The little Christmas tree you have bought for me which I had wished for so much. I knew it, I knew it, you have not forgotten it." She takes it into the hand and turns herself with it in circles. "And what kind of sweets do you have? Popped rice, for the first time popped rice!" She calls full of enthusiasm and is already snacking. "From this you must always buy me very many bags!" While she is still chewing she remembers what she wants to do today: "We want to cook pudding, for Sebastian and my mommy, this they love to eat. Fast, fast, we must not lose any time."

She is already in the cooking corner. While she again wastefully tears open all bags, indiscriminately mixes pudding powder, oats, sugar, raspberry juice and milk powder and bedazzles herself particularly about the amount while stirring, she commands: "You only do now what I tell you!". And already come the orders. But everything, yes everything I do wrong. When I defend myself she says: "Don't interfere. Decorate the table now...Take off your work jacket, I can't stand this one..." Then it continues: "No, There goes the couch chair, no, There the candle, no, There the bowl, and from this fork eat only my mommy and myself. You are not allowed to eat from my fork." When I am getting seated opposite of her at the table she screams at me: "Get up, you are only allowed to get seated when I tell you to!"

When we are happily sitting at the table I am being dictated what I may eat. As I reach from my own decision once again for the bowl she tears it out of my hand. She rages: "Only when I tell you then you may take some." During this she tips over the milk bottle. She scolds: "Now I have to get up again and get a rag. But this is now the last time!" As I then incidentally tip over the candle which falls into the pudding bowl she downright inflames and berates me with furious eyes like an old hag.

In my therapy room is pretty much everything even a night potty which stands on the lower level of the shelves not so noticeably visible but Betty has discovered it. She already has it in her hand and says: "We make ourselves now our room toilet." Then she sets interchangeably the wolf and the crocodile on it and commands: "You have to now first of all make a proper business!" Then she acts as if she drew on the toilet flushing, "Shshsh" she adds to this. "And now I set myself on it", she says then with very determined voice. She has "built" the toilet into a corner so that she can lean herself against the wall very comfortably (while sitting on the potty).